A Rambling Chicken

These shoes are made for walking... on the sun.

2007-11-17T19:53:00.000+09:00

My favourite shoes

Something i drew for fun as a tribute to the last days of summer-y autumn afternoons, as I lied on the lawn, entertaining myself with thoughts of happiness.

Check out my best friend amy's marvelous illustrations! Go knock yourself out, or rather... go get yourself knocked out.

I have always wanted to share with you some of my old works from uni, particularly from my first year. I guess that was when I worked hardest, before starting to slack off and procrastinate more and more. Guess that's my middle name, if I were to have one.

Extreme convergence perspective - Gotham City
Pencil colours, pastels and collage, 594x420mm.
Basic design studio (2001)

Have a good day, people and enjoy the sunshine while it lasts. I know because I have got Smash Mouth's Walking on the Sun in my head and it's fabulous.

All I need now is a new pair of heels ...... and salsa!

A Tokyo oasis

2007-10-28T18:40:00.000+09:00

So I woke up and decided that I should get out of my shitty dorm* in exchange for some fresh air, and a new perspective. The heavy curtain renders my room in constant darkness and one can easily lose track of one's sense of time and purpose.

I cycled to Shinjuku Gyoen, a big piece of green space tucked in between the concrete jungle that is Tokyo, where the free screening of environmental movies organized by Reina's internship place was being held for the last day.

The whole park was marvellous to walk in and every step brought me further away from my initial plans, and before long, i parked my ass on the grass, lied down and gave in to procrastination. One hour led to another.

The two hour on the grass was haunted by Emilie Simon's "Désert", its steady downtempo beat rewinding itself again and again sans control.

Oh mon amour, mon coeur est lourd
Je compte les heures je compte les jours
Je voudrais te dessiner dans un désert
Le désert de mon coeur

(My love, my heart is heavy. I count the hours and I count the days. I want to draw you into a desert, into the desert of my heart)

Dans la nuit parfois, le nez à la fenêtre
Je t'attends et je sombre
Dans un désert, dans mon désert, voilà

(Sometimes in the night, I wait by the window. I wait for you and I sink.. into a desert, into my desert)

Dans la nuit parfois, le nez à la fenêtre
J'attendais et je sombre
Jetez au vent mes tristes cendres, voilà

(Sometimes in the night, I wait by the window. I have waited for you and i sunk... Throw into the wind, my sad ashes)

That was the perfect melancholic song to offset the perfect weather, perfect turf, perfect breeze, perfect autumn scent in the air, the perfect oasis in parched Tokyo, and its the perfect song for waiting.

There is something about the greyness of Tokyo that offsets my balance: the lack of trees, the not-tastefully-designed buildings apart from the selected few iconic ones, the neon overdose, the onslaught of people yelling into PA systems 24/7, the army of black-suited salarimans during rush hour, traces of vomit on the streets of Shibuya. There is supposed to be no paradise here.

"Désert" is the perfect offset to this beautiful illusion. Désert is the balancing equation.

* Refer to the 'City Wok" joke in South Park!

Voilà l'été!

2007-10-09T16:13:00.000+09:00

I know the title of the post is very unsuitable for the northern hemisphere as it is nothing summer-like at all at this time of the year. Summer is slowly exiting, the air growing chillier by the day!

I have missed out on the gradual change the seasons, being trapped indoors in the office building, time kept still by fluorescent lighting and the sun (or the absense of sun) shut out by drawn-down blinds.

Despite being a child of the tropics, I am not particularly immune to the blazing sun of japanese summer. This summer I have escaped to the milder Hokkaido which boasts of having the best weather in the whole of Japan during the hellish summer season. Here's a little preview of my trip, and I guarantee that I will write about it soon, though one season too late.

The office I am interning in is of course not particularly lifeless, as a plethora of creatures (particularly our amphibian and reptilian friends, and fishes too) do happily co-exist with us. These creatures enjoy superstar status and are revered by all. I spend at least an hour a day feeding/staring/admiring/talking about these creatures at work!

My fellow colleagues:

Japanese Fire-bellied Newt (ニホンイモリ, in kanji 日本井守). This is what would become of you booze too much.
(Pic taken by Mr Itoh, my Homo sapien colleague)

Black-spotted Pond Frog (トノサマガエル, in kanji 殿様蛙) which actually has a pretty golden sheen. My favourite fella, this.
(Pic taken by me, my Homo sapien self)

Tokyo Daruma Pond Frog (トウキョウダルマガエル, in kanji 東京達磨蛙), a crazy frog that is always jumping around and eating everything!
(Pic taken by Mr Itoh, my Homo sapien colleague)

Another creature that I have encountered from my internship for a conservation project is this cute little thing, my life-long passion, Leopard CAT!! Notice the capitalized "cat". I like cats. Any cats.

Tsushima Leopard Cat (ツシマヤマネコ)
(Pic taken by Mr Itoh, my Homo sapien colleague)

They provide great entertainment but I still can't believe the fact that I find frogs cute.

A song of eternal sunshine, Voilà l'été by Les Négresses Vertes (which I got to hear last weekend when a dear friend of mine visited Tokyo) has been stuck in my mind for the past few days. The infectious shouts of voilà l'été, enfin l'été and toujours l'été are hard to shake off. Summer is here! Finally it's summer! Its always summer!........

Voilà l'été, j'aperçois le soleil
Les nuages filent et le ciel s'éclaircit
Et dans ma tête qui bourdonnent ?
Les abeilles !
J'entends rugir les plaisirs de la vie

The eternal optimist in me is now restored!

A pilgrim's tale

2007-10-08T18:02:00.000+09:00

A trip back to Kyoto (with loads of hugs) healed all ailments. Woke up to bird song. Time to take on Tokyo with renewed optimism!

I spent a weekend in Kyoto recuperating and meeting good friends with a free lunch of tomato cream macaroni courtesy of estie and a dinner of smoked salmon salad by kendall, a night out to the Kyoto Sam and Daves, another lunch and karaoke the next day with my dearest friends. Once back in Tokyo, the crowded JR Yamanote line greeted me as I re-started my normal routine of commuting to my workplace.

With estie

Dries the Big Belgian

Even though Japan has never been my choice of country to visit when I was still in Malaysia as Japan is so expensive, Tokyo was somewhat intriguing to me especially the gorgeous buildings by master architects that I have only been able to read about in architectural magazines.

Tokyo for me is a great place to enjoy in solitude if you enjoy taking a stroll, and I personally like Omotesando and Roppongi area best with its stylish buildings, chic museums and that surge of energy that you can't really find elsewhere in Japan. Of course also the display of wealth (vulgar or not, you decide) of one of the world"s most expensive cities.

Here is one of the buildings that I like best, the Prada building in Minami Aoyama designed by Herzog and de Meuron, just a hop from Omotesando metro station.

If you were to peep from your door....

The entrance to the store

I love this pic below, the back of the Prada building, where the ugly power lines can be seen juxtaposed against this iconic structure, reminding us that although Tokyo is touted as the Future, it still lacked the sense to bury these lines under the pavement. Nevertheless this pic has a very "derelicte" sense to it, and for understanding my meaning of this word more deeply, please watch the Zoolander and you will see...

I think this post will be the first of more to come about all my favourite things in this city and all that I see during my many solitary walks.

Come take a walk with me :o)

The faraway gaze

2007-09-26T00:21:00.000+09:00

I have moved to Tokyo exactly one month ago for a 4-month internship in a Japanese environmental consultancy company.

There were many ups and downs of course and the past few days were particularly dark for me, and like I have said to friends, one of the darkest days of my entire stay in Japan. I am still trying to survive it, to make sense of it.

On my way home from work to JR Shibuya station, I saw some people gathering around this group of 5 japanese guys and girls, holding placards that say “Free Hugs”.

Feeling like a dump and having nothing to lose, I walked towards the Japanese youngsters enthusiastically holding “Free hugs” signs. I really needed one at that time but to my utter disappointment, all I got were half-assed hugs designed to keep you at a safe distance, and eyes that linger more at the crowd gathering around them, than on me, the supposed object of affection for the moment. I guess these people are more concerned with how other people perceive their “open-mindedness” and their passion. Well, people should step forward, try them and judge for themselves the novelty of their actions. I was left cold, and I am sure I will find people who think the same.

I have wasted 5 hugs on self-absorbed people who haven’t gone past the pedestal that they put themselves onto. Good luck to these people.

I have found the Japanese website for this “Free Hugs” campaign and I would like to file an official complaint. Anyone wanna help? I think they need to improvise.

http://www.freehugs-jp.com/

Attention!!!

2007-06-26T00:20:00.000+09:00

Hey it's my birthday today, wish me!!!!!!!!

Vaseline is good for you

2007-06-16T22:29:00.000+09:00

The miracles of kitchen wrap and vaseline (and something else, you won't want to know).

Had spent the whole of the week lusting after the Holga 120 Colour Flash camera with glass lens, checking Ebay for deals a-plenty day after day. Yes, deals are a-plenty and it is extremely tempting but developing 120mm film can get very expensive, I heard... so once again, i have delayed gratification and have rescued my credit card from being molested yet again. I am growing stronger by the day! The Brain has triumphed over the little devils tucking at my purse-strings (!).

Maki and Chu dropped by for lunch today and I was amazed by Chu's Leica camera, one of those fully manual, antique ones with levers and knobs galore. Chu will teach me how to make my own pinhole camera next week, and I am muchas looking forward to it!

I got even more excited about the pinhole camera after seeing a camera obscura featured in "The Girl with a Pearl Earring". I love its simplicity, and the uncertainty of how the image would turn out. Guess its good for character building since I badly need to learn patience, NOW.

I love the dreamy effect that medium format cameras produce, and Chu offered a few tips on how to do it the poor man's way: vaseline and kitchen wrap.

Being an impatient person, I cycled straight to Kamogawa and Kitayama (fave parts of Kyoto) armed with my point-and-shoot digital camera and my Lomo Fisheye, kitchen wrap, vaseline, some tape. I want to look at Kamogawa as if I just woke up from my nap on the river shore.

Stop and smell the flowers!

My beloved bike, my partner in crime. Never talks back at me, though... what a darling!

Before sunset

Demachiyanagi station

Takanogawa

Sunset in Shirakawa, this is probably what you will see if you are walking around sedated

The Fisheye pics will have to wait. Will try not to kill myself.

A trip down memory lane

2007-05-26T12:22:00.000+09:00

So my bestest friend from home came to visit me.

Having her around had mysteriously made me forget that I am currently in Japan. Frequent memory lapses happened during our bus rides, meals, walks etc and only the bus driver's announcement of bus station names in japanese woke me from my little slumber.

Time stopped for us, eh?

I got much goodies from her, and among them was my student portfolio compiling work from my four years in uni and among them, I found sketches of Sailormoon and Sailor Mercury, drawn when I was 15!

As soon as I saw them, I quickly sprayed fixative, seal in the goods and seal in the memories.

Care to have a look??

Sailor Mercury - 9th July 1997

Sailormoon - 22nd June 1997

I have always told people that I have only started to like Japan after my arrival here, and had only been remotely interested in the past. Finding these sketches reminded me of what I have forgotten.

Now that I am finally alone in my apartment (miss you already, Amy!), I began to clean things up and looked through my portfolio for something useful that I can show to my potential employer for my coming internship programme. To be honest, my past works were pretty useless for the interview (I have diverged into a slightly more different field...), apart from a few good pieces such as my 3-week labour-of-love pencil colour artist's impression of Gotham City, and a bas relief project which quickly degenerated right after the critique session and of course after the photograph was taken. Anyway, it feels surreal to be in a foreign land, and looking back in time and realizing how much I have grown (artistically and mentally) during those four years and now. For a moment, I have also forgotten where I currently am.

I have always been fond of sketching with my trusty pencils (and pencil colour, when I feel that I have enough time to finish them) and below is one of my best sketch that I have ever produced. The word "best" is relative, because in my case, I do not draw a lot as I am too much of a perfectionist and I don't start anything unless I am sure that I will do it perfect. That had been a major hindrance. So let's say that its the best among my limited collection.

Lucky corn

Well, at least this lucky corn got my absolute concentration, and I am usually a feeble-minded, hyperactive girl who can't sit still for more than 15 minutes. I think the guy sitting behind me in class is tired of me fidgeting in my seat already. Sorry Yama-chan!!

This missy here's gonna go places!!!

Well, the past two weeks has been quite an adventure; whirlwind-ing through Tokyo, force-feeding Amy limoncello and a bottle of Chianti, classes, presentations, terrorizing Kyoto Imperial villas and molesting cats! Tiring, but worth every minute.

p.s. This post couldn't have been possible without you, Amy!!! Kudos and hats off......
(I had so much fun with you and wished that you could stay muuuuch longer!!!)

New beginnings for a chronic procrastinator

2007-04-10T21:05:00.001+09:00

Its not new anymore. I moved in here 3 months ago.

Spring vacation ended with a blast, having hosted a myriad of characters in my new abode, starting with my good friend Yuka before she moved to big bad Tokyo and 4 friends from home arriving in 2 batches. The new place is just a stone's throw from uni, and is situated 15 minutes from the city center (if I cycle very, very fast), is situated at the foot of Kyoto's sacred Daimonji hill and basically fulfills all the criterias that I asked for. The area must be green, the view must be nice, must be quiet, mustn't have thin japanese walls... needless to say, I ended up with an apartment that I can barely pay for.

I seemed to have done something right! These creatures are indeed having fun...

Such an investment (one can't say that it is an investment as I do not get anything in return, except for happiness) worried me to bits, and seeing a rainbow the moment I woke up from my first night in this strange place seemed to be a sign from Big Bang that I have made the correct choice.

Fast forward to 3 months after, spring marked a new beginning of other sorts, the dreaded first year of my masters programme. This means that there will be no more (or less) fun times for me and friends in the same situation. I commerated this occasion by a day out with the girls in our fancy suits and tightly-crossed fingers, in hope for a good academic year. Many things to look forward to... classes conducted in japanese, and fear of being discovered to be incompetent!

Bad ass uni entrance ceremony

Charlie's Angelos

Bad ass floating people

Bad ass salsa queens

Bad ass gypsy chick

A new academic year means having another extra shot at yet another set of resolutions. I hope to be able to learn more about my own weaknesses and of ways of overcoming it in my journey to become a good researcher. Maybe I should just stop procrastinating.

Thanks Charlie's Angelos! I had a blast with you girls.

End of winter

2007-04-10T20:01:00.000+09:00

Last snow in Kitashirakawa

Winter bade farewell to Kyoto by unpredictably spewing snow on 18^th March, a day more associated with sunshine and sakura trees heaving with unfulfilled promises of a spectacular show you would never forget and of course… dormant insects waking up from beauty sleep and now out for some serious partying. Everyday I walk past these trees, observing hard and searching for minute details of change. Imaginary or no, I seem to have been able to see the buds growing by the day. I can be an impatient person, and anything that is equivalent to watching grass grow (or in this matter, watching sakura bloom only that it has not) can drive my mind crazy and disoriented.

Warmer days ensued after the snow episode. I started to realize how foolish it was of me to lug my jacket around. Despite being a child of the tropics, I showed resilience towards the cold and is known for taking off my jacket during cycling trips in February, something unthinkable to my Japanese friends. My good friend Yuka has suggested that I might have “contracted” premature menopause as I was surely showing symptoms… hot flashes! I enjoyed the cold wind against my face, numbing my ears, my nose.

A nice bike trip to Kamogawa in the pre-spring sunshine brought out the artist in me! I am sure I will miss these bare trees…

Having lived in Kyoto for a year, and having had no contact with any family members, I am glad to have a cousin cross over to the land of the rising sun, specifically in Fukui city. Poor guy is now living in a city where pachinko parlors loom within a 500m radius no matter where you go. Living in Kyoto makes you a spoilt child. With 17 world heritage sites and 40% of all of Japan’s Japanese gardens concentrated here, one can easily turn into a snob. Nevertheless, Fukui has its own charms outside of the city’s boundary and when you step out into the countryside.

Somewhere in Katsuyama

Somewhere in Katsuyama, too.

Eiheiji, one of my favourite temples (my second visit this time)

Holy snow

Driving around Fukui and the countryside with my cousin has brought back the delights of Japanese (mild) winter. This part of Japan is still colder than Kansai area as of that moment. It was snowing so I quickly ditched my jacket, and embraced the cold before it ends for good.

Somewhere in Katsuyama, still.

Having traveled to Fukui with reluctance, I came back to Kyoto with a renewed outlook of the world outside the ancient capital.

A walk to be remembered

2007-02-21T22:01:00.000+09:00

What an eventful day!

Went to Kyoto's Immigration Bureau to settle some documents, and settled down on one of those long couches. Parked myself right in front of a foreign resident woman and a (probably) japanese pimp who are both casually talking about her job as an exotic dancer. Was forced to eavesdrop on her "resume", who her colleagues are, her old clients, her sexy moves and also listen to that guy coming on to her, while I was chatting to a chinese woman next to me who had also been waiting for a looong time for those documents to be processed.

Just as my chinese companion left and I was once again left to my own devices, I lifted up my head and saw this petite woman with the biggest breasts "evar", at least in relation to her build! She looked as if she was 6 months pregnant "there". I sheepishly looked away as it was awfully rude to stare.... I was amazed.

After another 30 minutes of excruciating wait, I finally got my documents done, and I paid a quick visit to the washroom.... but left the place before I get to use it.... because I just saw a man pee in the women's W.C.

How weird can a girl's day be?

Ana the Catalyst

2007-02-18T23:16:00.000+09:00

Valentine's Day has been special this year, as I did not celebrate it with my significant other (who is far, far away..) and was celebrated with friends in Kyoto. I, who have long been a Valentine's Day skeptic, preaching to others about it being an over-commercialized practice aimed to milk away our hard-earned money..... bla bla.... decided to engage in a gift exchange game with good friends in Kyoto. To make it more exciting, all of us met in a restaurant and each picked secret Valentine to give a gift to.

...... And then I received this from Ana!!! I got 2 mugs with pink heart motif and some chocolates! Thank you!! Since today is also Chinese New Year, and I am given a second shot at new year resolutions, I have decided to sketch more, and not let my pencils and colours etc go to waste. My biggest influence? Amy and trumpetvine, a travel sketchblog. So here you go, Ana, my little tribute to you!

Valentine's mug (ink and watercolour pencils)

And to give myself a well-deserved pat on the back for reviving this long-buried hobby, I decided to pour myself a glass of homemade limoncello. As an ode to glamorous deceased famous painters, especially my personal favourite Van Gogh, I have decided to sketch "under the influence", by allowing myself some firewater, just to see if I could produce better sketches.

I started to get myself ready for another attempt, with my little glass of limoncello perching elegantly the table against my mess-of-a-table ready to be consumed... it became the perfect subject matter! I had no choice but to delay gratification, and sketched it before downing it!

Still life with limoncello and mess (Ink and watercolour pencils)

This is not perfect (little mistakes in terms of proportion), but i vow to practice more!!

I love quick pen-and-ink sketches with a wash of watercolour which can be done under a few minutes. I find sketching liberating.

(Sketches were done to The Wine Song by The Cat Empire)

Just when I thought you were weird...

2007-01-30T21:52:00.001+09:00

Having been tagged by The Remarkable Amy (by the way, check out her newly "refurbished" site Re:make!).

I am now obligated to lay bare a list of Six Weird Things about myself for all to see and criticize. I don't know how many people I would have scared off with this post....

1) I used to love killing rabbits in the name of science, but what I was interested in was not the study of the animal itself, but to marvel at my talent of carving little white socks out of their paws without damaging or staining it with blood...

Disclaimer: I have since ceased to do the above, not even thinking of doing it, ever again!

2) When I eat raisins, I would first chew off the top of the raisin itself, then pop it in my mouth, eat its flesh, and in the end, the skin. Feels good.

3) I smell my cat's forehead before lightly brushing my lips against its fur and kissing it.

Again a disclaimer: My cats take regular baths.

4) I am lazy when it comes to washing my socks. I usually wear them for a while, deliberately "purge" them and then I will buy new ones!

5) I wear my favourite fancy shoes around the apartment after waking up to make me happy for the rest of the day!!

6) I wear a pointy hat everywhere I go and tell people that I have an antenna on my head and I that am telekinetic and psychic and that i can establish contact with human beings and animals and aliens alike anytime, everywhere.

p.s. Ok feel free to tag yourselves and write away!! Tell me your weirdest secrets!

Loving Indie

2007-01-06T00:30:00.000+09:00

How should I start this entry?

I have had the honour to have my old friend Indeterminacy publish one of my own photos on his site (for New Year, no less! Thank you!!) as inspiration for original one-minute short stories by Indie, the king himself and fellow bloggers who are as always, brilliant at it!

Here's the picture!

Ok that's a bottle of Limoncello (zesty lemon liquor from Sicily) or what I call Liquid Gold that I am absolutely crazy about. At first sip, you'll first be greeted by the amazing fragrance of thousands of lemons that you could easily lose yourself in. The liquor itself tastes sweet and tangy but surprises you with a jolt of real warmth as the liquid makes its way through the esophagus, soothing the nerves and leaving you in bliss. And then you will know in your heart that you would kill for another sip or two. Limoncello is the essense of Life itself.

Word of caution: It should only be drunk straight and chilled. No ice cubes!! No mixing!!

Anyway, my version would never match yours, Indie but here you go!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Greg was tired of life. After 2 divorces and a string of failed relationships behind him after the latest divorce from his vicious, mean ex-wife Martha, Greg was beginning to lose hope. Not one woman seemed to want to call him after the first date! He felt rejected and betrayed. What went wrong, Greg kept asking himself, as his self-esteem startes to dip lower and lower... Well, indeed he was having the custody of his two young sons, as Martha was determined not to take this burden with her. They are very charming and polite little boys, and no one would have rejected him because of that.

So Greg went home defeated to seek comfort with a glass of wine, one that he has kept for special occasions. And at that, a glass of scotch too. Well, he wasn't supposed to be drinking so much, as he had a little of a breath problem and drinking and eating strong-smelling food would leave him with a bad breath for the next few days. And no one likes an alcoholic. No one wanted him, so what the heck, so Greg thinks. As Greg tumbled through his front door, the children's nanny, a plain, bespectacled and shy but clumsy girl named Brenda, who at the age of 29 still doesn't have a boyfriend. She's a nice girl and Greg knew it, but he had never taken notice of her... as men, as shallow as it may seem, are still very much prioritizing a girl's looks rather than her personality.

As Greg entered through the door in a daze, he stepped on a pail of water that Brenda has left there unintentionally and Brenda went running towards him, to try to save him from falling, but both of them fell flat on the floor in an embrace. Everything seems to be moving so slowly and then when their lips touched, though it wasn't intended to be that way, magic happened! The whole room bursted into lemons!! This kiss with Brenda was the most amazing he had ever had! It was fresh and tangy, but at the same time, sweet... and Brenda's lips were warm and inviting. Greg was suddenly transported to the beautiful island of Sicily and as hard as Greg tried to rub his eyes and wake up from this beautiful dream, he could only see Brenda and notice how she was now bathed in golden light, just like a good bottle of limoncello should be.

They fell in love right away and began spending time with each other everyday, never to tire of each other. Greg felt younger and happier than ever as he has finally found his elizir of life. And he lived spellbound by the limoncello goddess until the very last day of his life.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Please go to Indeterminacy to read his and fellow's bloggers take on this pic! Brilliant posts.....

Another amazing story that Monsieur Indeterminacy had written from another photo donated by me: The Melon Story. Enjoy!!

p.s. The name Greg was inspired by my previous boss, though I do not know why I used it.

p.p.s. The homemade limoncello that I have been making turned out great! Very proud of myself :o)

(Homemade goodness)

Temporarily lost

2007-01-01T16:54:00.000+09:00

A very happy New Year to all of you!

I am starting my 1st blog entry of the year with a few pics of snow in Kyoto. I have never seen snow before in my life, so if snow isn't that exciting to you, please humour me for once :o)

I have never been in full realization of the fact that I am now living in a foreign country until very much recently. Being in Japan for the past 9 months had always give me a false illusion that I am back home and that things had never changed at all (except for the freaking language barrier, and weird japanese men talking to himself in the train or the random lewd old men that you have the pleasure to meet every now and then). Almost everyone I see around here is yellow-skinned, I still see the odd headscarf wearing women (mostly Indonesian students) just like I do back home. Everyone talks to me as if I am a local despite the fact that I struggle to find ways of expressing myself in japanese language. And also despite the fact that I am always with gaijins (foreign people in japanese) who speaks better than me, most of whom have been learning this language for years, I am still the one being spoken to! Discrimination at its best but good practice opportunity, I know, but don't you think I should feel very much at home?

That was what I felt like UNTIL............

.... last week, I went to get new prescriptions for my glasses as my eyesight was failing. I handled myself very well, trying my very best to construct decent sentences, polite enough but also friendly as not to alienate the opthalmologist (the japanese language has too much protocol associated to it, and I am supposed to be careful of certain grammar usage). I was doing okay, until when my eyecare professional moved me to this machine (I don't know the name..) which shows rows of alphabets which I was supposed to read outloud as the opthalmologist adjusted the lens to get my prescription perfect. After some small talk, we began the test... and instead of the usual roman alphabets, I had to read hiragana. I burst out laughing, not much about the test, but at myself for finally realizing about where I am after so long, for real.

And at a count down party at our favourite Sam & Daves (new Kyoto branch!) yesterday night (this morning??) what more of a better way to start the year but to countdown in japanese... jyu, kyuu, hachi, nana, roku, go, yon, san, ni.... ichi!

Happy New Year to you fine folks! 明けましておめでとう！

When the sun was still high

2006-12-03T21:17:00.000+09:00

Summer time and the wind is blowing, outside in lower chelsea.
And I dont know what Im doing in this city,
The sun is always in my eyes.

(by Third Eye Blind - Motorcycle Drive By)

It was summer, and there I was in Montespertoli of the Il Chianti region, halfway between Pisa and Firenze.

The weather was perfect, it was the end of summer, a bit chilly at night, but the sky was always clear, not a spatter of rain.

The day started at the tip of Ponte alle Grazie, opposite the Arno River waiting for the unknown guide to pick us up. There I met some strangers and after an awkward start of exchanging basic pleasantries, the guide arrived in a beat-up van. Hoping to meet some Italians, the guide turned out to be a Scot, who was about to be kicked out from his apartment for not paying rent.

And after an hour's drive, we arrived in a quaint castle in Montespertoli called Castello Guicciardini Poppiano, whose owners, the Conte and Contessa were on holiday, jetsetting all over the world. They own both the castle and the hectares of vineyards and olive groves around this property, which in turn also produce award winning olive oils, wine and fine grappa.

Wine tasting creates instant friendships. What was awkward at the beginning slowly disappeared as everyone let their guard down. Wine is miraculous, and should be the cure for all ailments of the world! And also bread with lavish sprinklings of good olive oil and a pinch of salt, Tuscan style.

Sidetracking... Warm wine as proven by our little autumn soiree here in Japan, is a potent magic potion for all ailments. Cold winter winds from Hokkaido, be gone!

After visiting the cellar, we proceeded to the rooftop. The view? Fabulous.

At that very moment, I without realizing, said my thoughts out loud, "I want to be buried here after I die". Laughter followed, but I know that I have meant exactly what I said.

It was almost noon, and it was time to cycle to the place serving lunch. We started our journey through this little road flanked by tall cedar (?) trees on both sides, dwarfing all of us. I felt myself being humbled by these big trees and this vast rolling landscape. I felt like a kid in a candy shop, very in awe but I know that I do not need candies to keep me happy. Nature in all its glory makes me happy. It gave me a serene and calm feeling, but I knew that part of me wanted to leap out and dance.

I remember when I was a young 16 year-old, I used to be obsessed with Third Eye Blind's self-titled debut album especially this song "Motorcycle Drive By". Great lyrics, awesome guitar riff, so much life. Its one of the most under-rated songs of all times which never enjoyed the success that it so deserved, but I loved it (and still do) nevertheless. Its the sound of freedom though I do not know how to describe it as such. It's a feeling that this song was able to evoke. Was it the guitar riffs' slow start, building up as the song progresses and then a sudden revert to a calm end? I liken it to containing a storm in a teacup. Like a burning man, and a quick dip to the water to end the pain. Or.. rather an hour long session of onsen, and a quick dash to the cold shower to cool down. And everything will be all right.

And there I was, as described in that beautiful song, careening through the universe, my axis on a tilt. Everything was so beautiful that my heart ached.

As I pass Chianti vineyards, olive groves and sunflower fields which appeared a bit tired of life, the sun in my eyes, I could see nothing, only what's ahead, I could hear nothing, except Stephen Jenkins' voice and the wind roaring in my ears, and I felt invincible. And wished that you were with me.

And theres this burning, like theres always been,
I've never been so alone, and I, I've never been so alive

The day ended at my favourite place in Firenze, Basilico Santa Maria del Fiore, which I will never tire of.

I've never been so alive. And I wish I could take a piece of you with me.

A purist's laments!

2006-11-02T00:32:00.000+09:00

In an effort to spin some yarn.

Well, as starters, here's a pic of my first Halloween getup which is not even remotely Halloween in character!! Sorry for my lame non-efforts, but what I wanted to achieve was psychedelic 70s Afro style with blings and all. Kind of like fusion, as I am too poor and could not afford to be a purist. I am a purist by heart but what am I to do? Not exactly entertaining, boys and girls, but here you go.

Wait, saw the bling?

I wish I know how to spin some serious yarn, kick some serious derriére. Having morphed into a girl of few written words, all I could do is to bombard you readers with molto pictures. As I have read somewhere, "If you can't blind them with knowledge, baffle them with bullshit". I WISH I could bullshit more and baffle YOU. What used to be so easy, I am losing grip.

Well, like I have said, here are some to blind you. Get your Raybans! The glare, the glare!!!

Oops, it was very rude of me to not give you an introduction of what are about to come. Again... I have skipped grammar class, this time for Mt Hiei which is situated northeast of Kyoto with the labmates.

Err.. I don't exactly have "lab" labmates. I am allergic to "lab" labs. They are my colleagues, and we love having a good time and outings once in a while.

It was a four hour climb to the peak, a nice hike punctuated by little stops to examine tree species (the botanist in us!) and chocolate breaks.

One of the most interesting spots that I found myself liking is this cedar forest (which are actually plantations of cedar for construction purposes but are now slowly abandoned as extracting timber from japanese forests are more expensive than importing them from the third world timber-producing countries, for example MY country). Its not naturally occuring, but its very japanese, minimalistic and organized. Well as a consolation for myself, I will still call it a cedar forest though it is technically a plantation. Need some romance and illusion here.

One cannot always afford to be a purist under such circumstances.

The hike further up also revealed slopes with leaves slowly turning red.... Ahh.. the purist in me was immediately soothed.

Halfway up, the gridiron layout of Kyoto city could be seen.

Well, I hope this photo gives you an impression that it is high. Just deception. Just doing some magic tricks.

Further up, a field with wild grass enveloping the whole slope, dancing to the gentle breeze. Don't want to all poetic here (and I am really bad at being that) but it was a beautiful feeling. A simple but captivating sight.

The peak offered good views towards Lake Biwa, biggest lake in Japan and also Ohara, a nice place with temples and rice fields. The view was absolutely beautiful, mountains, lakes, all shades of mysterious blue. But the sad part of the story is that the peak has been levelled to build a huge parking lot, capable of occupying at least 10 buses, 30-40 cars and of course, a specially built so-called "botanical garden" that charges an arm and a leg.

Aren't untouched nature the ultimate botanical garden that none of the human creations could rival? Its hard to be a purist here. Tourism has a big market in Japan and nowhere is spared.

Well, boys and girls, here's what I can do best to spare you the sight of railings and bus stops and kitschy "botanical gardens" and buses and parking lots and tarmac and restaurant and automatic drink dispensers.

The secret? Just squint hard. Well I did.. and I became happy.

The descent was pleasant, walking among temples with more than 1000 years of history which I have yet to discover in detail.

There's nothing like a zen garden to end the day, peacefully.

p.s. Again.... about the greatest adventure (to date), I will work on it soon enough! Please please please do wait.

おなかも心もハングリーのあなたへ

2006-10-25T01:15:00.000+09:00

Translation of the title:

To you, the person with the hungry stomach and a hungry soul.

Anyway, that's literally what it means. If you're hungry, and your soul is too; join me, and run away with me...

Grammar class is definitely worth skipping for................

Banpaku Kinen Koen (万博記念公園) in Osaka!

The leaves are beginning to turn red.

I love this lonesome tree. Solitude is beautiful.

The Great Keiko.

Anyway, nothing beats skipping classes. I feel good!

And forget not, boys and girls... Trees make you healthy!

p.s. About my greatest adventure (to date), its still in progress, so stay tuned!

I think I ate too much ginger.

2006-10-23T19:35:00.000+09:00

As copied from my trusty notebook........

As I am writing to you now, I am sitting in a train station, sweating, facial moisturizer melting on me, my glasses fogging up, catching up my breath from the torture of a long walk from my dorm up in the hills to this tiny little train station. Its a daily migration, if it could be called as such.

There, I have emphasized on how hot I was. Well, "hot" can be interpreted in both ways, "hot" as in temperature-related hot and "hot" as in that babe is hot. Well, I meant temperature "hot".

Wearing a tank top only on the 23rd October morning had me sub-consciously and unknowingly sending out signals to two random ojisans (old men), whom on separate occasions in a span of 10 minutes offered me a "samukunai ka?"(s) which means "aren't you cold?" followed by a loud sneer. Or.. was it a look of genuine surprise and genuine concern?

What's with the smirk then?!

Fashionable japanese girls and boys around me are now already decked head-to-toe with high boots, wooly sweaters, mufflers and the works and the mercury has not even dipped that low yet. The mornings and afternoons are still sunny.

Dearest ojisan, thanks but no thanks.

Nihonjins dress according to the calendar, and me, oblivious to that and depending on my non-impaired intuition and my logic, now appear totally "non-linear" in the land called Japan.

Wanting to get some revenge, I will have to wait until next summer, in the height of the heat in August, ask some japanese old ladies, whom when its as hot as it could ever be possible, still manage to don a t-shirt, a sweater, hats and of course, GLOVES to match. Are you really that cold? Atsukunai ka? Its a strange, strange world.....

Either it's them, or it's my "flawed" south-east asian genetic makeup..............

Or maybe..... I ate too much ginger.

p.s. Sorry for the long silence. As for the post on my greatest adventure (up to now), I am now diligently uploading them pics into photobucket, and will be ready to meet you all, after I have drafted some decent text to go with them.

p.s.s. Chinese food makes you strong!

I love limoncello

2006-09-07T00:43:00.000+09:00

Will write about my latest little adventure after the 18th September. Stay tuned...

Sad, sad sky

2006-08-14T02:43:00.000+09:00

View from my very quiet dorm. Waiting for the supposedly coming typhoon closing in from the Pacific Ocean. Nothing happened of course.

Burn, burn!!

2006-08-06T21:15:00.000+09:00

Heisei Yodogawa Fireworks Festival in Osaka, 5th August 2006
(formerly known as the least-favourite city)

The CROWD at Yodogawa, Osaka. Unbelievable. Most of them must have camped out here under the scorching sun from 6am (an exaggeration, I know). Arrived a little bit earlier at 7pm and found no vacant space at all. Had to climb up the retaining wall, sat on where the slope began and prayed hard that I won't lose my balance. Gluteus maximus muscle overwork.

The calm before the storm. Had to admit that Osaka "can" be beautiful at night, even after my numerous attempts at denouncing it. One of the many definitions of "existence" that I remember vividly is that "Life exists in the presence of light, without its presence, there is nothingness". Errrr... Osaka looks better in the dark.

Oh, and of course, when there are fireworks.

Raining gold.

It was well worth the pain, sore butt and all.

Confessions of a dictator

2006-07-29T04:16:00.000+09:00

I have a belief that it is always good to be mildly depressed.

Being too happy makes me lose touch with the world.

Fear keeps me alert. Being far from the familiarities of home, which I always introduce to friends as Hobbit Land, has installed in me a sense of fear towards the prospect of failure. I love the sense of urgency that fear gives me, as I was a chronic procrastinator when it comes to personal assignments (if any of my ex-colleagues are reading this, I didn’t do that while I worked…). Projects back in school were rushed as I took too much sweet time THINKING of the perfect thing to do. I had thousands of thoughts and possibilities swimming in my head, but I couldn’t settle for the best, as I have always believed that the best ideas only come out to play when a person is in the lowest state of helplessness. Having too much choice and time cripple my judgment. Very limited choices and time, on the other hand brings out the guerilla in me.

The price that I paid though, was immense. I have not been sleeping much these days, probably an average of 4 hours/day. I felt as if cold reimen (japanese summer cold noodles) sauce ran in my veins. When I walked, I felt as if I was floating, not the graceful kind though...

Then again, life's problems can always be solved with some shopping. Its therapy at its best!!

Suit (matching pants not shown) for my coming entrance exams (end of August).

Lining with pin stripes.

Mother-of-pearl buttons. 良いね～

Well, it can be safely said that my chances of passing my entrance exam will increase by 42.98% if I were to wear it during the interview session. I am sure.

I loved deadlines, just not anymore.

I am doing an Angeline

2006-04-10T22:48:00.000+09:00

Doing an Angeline means blogging about food in her trademark chirpy style. The techniques to doing it are:

a) Describe as if it is the best thing available on earth and that you would rather saw off your leg or go for lobotomy than to miss it.

b) Add as many "yummy(s)" as you can into a single sentence. For emphasis, add loads of exclamation marks. Do also repeat your punctuation marks.

c) Always pose with a "peace" sign. Preferably pose in front of your food.

And lastly...

d) Always end a post with a satisfied picture of one's self enjoying the food. Ignore people around you. Lick the plate clean if you must. Don't be shy.

Yesterday I went to a very famous tea house in Kyoto called Ippodo. It was a very, very old traditional tea house selling their trademark japanese green tea. Their green tea was divided into 4 groups: Matcha, Gyokuro, Sencha and Houjicha. Oh I was soooo excited and was dying to try them!!!!

Raving about this place simply leaves me so tired so I have decided to try their Matcha! I decided to try the koicha which is the stronger version of matcha and it is said to contain more Vitamin C than 1kg of oranges!

Konatsu had accompanied me to this tea house. Isn't it ironic it was me who brought her here despite her being japanese? I am such a shiawase!!!

Ok. This is a close-up of Matcha. The green stuff in the bowl is matcha, powdered green tea. The matcha is at first stirred into a paste using the "brush" provided at the side. When it reaches the consistency of glue, slowly sip and enjoy the natural sweetness of the tea. I was so happy and I loved it!!

After that, pour more water into the bowl with the remaining matcha paste and whisk up a storm until it is frothy. Yummy!!!!!!!! Enjoy the remaining tea by sipping slowly. At this stage, this tea is called usucha, which means a lighter and less strong version of koicha.

And.... the colourful looking cake at the side was a special Kyoto sweet! Its meant to be enjoyed together with the tea. Yummy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finally, see how happy I was? I would definitely come again!!!!!!! Yummy!!!!!!!!!!

I have to admit its really hard trying to do an Angeline.

Girl, you are irreplaceable.

Listen to Marge, and you'll never go wrong!

2006-04-09T21:35:00.000+09:00

Many, many years ago (I was 14 years old then) I was a hard core "The Simpsons" fan. I am still one now.

I remember vividly an episode from Season 4 called "A Streetcar Named Marge". I forgot precisely how the story went, but it was about Marge wanting to fulfill her dream as a Broadway actress but was met with indifference by Homer. Anyway, the main point was not about that.

In that episode, Marge was cast as Blanche DuBois in "Oh! Streetcar", the musical version of A Streetcar Named Desire directed by the flamboyant Llewellyn Sinclair at the Springfield Community Center. In that musical, there was a song called "The Kindness of Strangers" which goes like this....

Marge [spoken]:
Whoever you are, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers...

Cast:
You can always depend on the kindness of strangers,
To pluck up your spirits, and shield you from dangers!

Marge:
Now here's a tip from Blanche you won't regret:

Cast:
A stranger's just a friend you haven't met!
You haven't met!
STREETCAR

How true.....

Konat-chan, thanks for visiting me!

Risye and Wei-bin

Nozomi-san and Sasaki-san at Kamogawa

(Most) Friendly folks at GES:

Hey girl!

Ladies! Please take your pick..

2nd round party at a local izakaya

Life is sweet.

Losing my religion

2006-04-09T20:12:00.000+09:00

I am losing my religion.

Sakura madness has diverted my faith. The faith that I have held onto for as long as I can remember. The faith that I have vowed never to let go regardless of anything.

I have betrayed the spirit of Minimalism.

I have betrayed Rationalism. I have betrayed Order. I have betrayed Stability, Purity, Modernism, Function.

Kyoto Imperial Palace Park

Maruyama Koen

Kamogawa

Ornaments are a sin against humanity. As a practicing landscape architect sometime ago, I (as influenced by my mentor, alanis) was a reductionist and had believed that anything excessive is a sin. Simplicity is the rule. Industrial is beauty. Identity is an unneeded luxury. De-personalization is the ultimate goal.

I have sinned.

News!

2006-04-06T07:58:00.000+09:00

Dear all,

Helloooo... I have safely arrived in Kyoto and is now settling down in Ohbaku, one hour away from the main campus in downtown Kyoto.

This is downtown Kyoto area around the new Kyoto Station building, which boasts a futuristic glass and steel structure with a 7-storey high elevator. I can't imagine that, so I am going to go check it out and will post some pictures soon. The station is the bluish grey building at the vanishing point of this pic.

Ohbaku where I am staying at the moment is a bit different from downtown Kyoto. It is a quaint little town surrounded by hills and bamboo groves. Its is very quiet here, the streets are narrow and buildings are only up to 3 storey high at most (or I haven't seen a taller one). It's a charming place and there are lots of cosy little restaurants which I have yet to try. Its awfully expensive to eat out here so as a result, I have only frequented the campus shokudo (canteen) or done my own cooking. I desperately need a rice cooker.

Cherry blossoms are blooming all over the place! Its hard to miss. It is just the beginning of the o-hanami season (cherry blossom viewing) and I'll be visiting Gion (home of the geishas) this weekend and Osaka the next.

Well, this is how my room in Ohbaku looks like. Its fully equipped with a little kitchen and bath tub to soak in, air-con, heater, 24 hours internet access, phone, refridgerator and other furnitures. Thank god for the heater and hot tub. I would have been dead......

As I live in the outskirts, the view from the balcony is not bad at all! Its great to escape from the fumes of KL to fresh, cold countryside air.

This is Kyoto University campus ground. Very lush and green.

Everyone here speaks japanese, and I had to depend on my instinct to guess what they are trying to relay to me. It does take a lot of patience so I hope that I won't run thin on it. As of now I feel great here and do not mind the language barrier. People here are very courteous and do go the extra mile to help when I can't find the way.

I MISS:

a) Little white cat

b) Miss Cat

anddddd.... ALL OF YOU!!

We will miss you roachz!

2006-03-29T10:28:00.000+09:00

Dear friends,

Thank you very much for spending valuable time with me before I fly to Japan. I am sorry for not having the luxury of time to see each and everyone of you.

Thanks to very good friends who have traveled far just to catch a glimpse of me before I go. You know who you are.

And Amy, you are assigned as the "godmother" to my five cats, please help me take good care of them. We will appreciate your efforts. In my absence, they'll have no one to love them. You'll do a great job. They all love massages and tummy rubs. Please forgive them if they turn out with a bad temper. You know which cat I am talking about...

Have no worries, I'll kick sooooooo much ass there.

Adios!

Viva la revolucion

2006-03-23T03:44:00.000+09:00

Make way for V.

The story started with the "Voice of London" reciting repeatedly "England Prevails", accompanied by multitudes of lies to instill fear and hate in their citizens against all minorities on the surface of the earth.

And V kicked their arse(s) / butt(s). Each and everyone of the members of the ruling party. watch it and see V in action!!!

How eerie it is to find that this movie which is supposedly taken from comic strips resembles so vividly the world that we are living in at this very moment. Tyrannical world leaders (or an attempt to achieve being one), media censorship, the thought police, "Fingermen" (looks very CIA to me!), instiling unfounded fear, tycoons from big corporations with a high rank in the government, the misuse of power (the ignoring of international laws by waging war without the consent of the UN), ignorant proles, scapegoats, human testing of biological warfare, torture.

The only difference is the proleteriat class are getting more informed about the truth and its all thanks to films like V.

V for Vendetta is Orwell's 1984, fastforwarded and in vivid colour. This is a real enlightenment.

"A person may die, be killed or be forgotten but ideas live forever".

Cheer up!

2006-03-03T12:42:00.000+09:00

I love the juxtaposition of my favourite red shoes on green ribbons, opposite colours in the colour wheel.

I love the creases on my sheets. I love that untucked corner. I love my fashionably (to me), carelessly strewn pile of favourite clothes.

I, too love my overloaded, warped timber book shelf which after every sporadic spring cleaning exercise, I would leave a few books in disarray. I love imperfection. These are just my little ways of showing the belief that I embrace.

I love being immaculately dressed (to my standards, sorry if those who knows me thinks otherwise) but I love too that little kitty fur stuck on my sleeve. I would try to remove all but one strand because just by looking at it gives me a smile on my face. I also love to leave the back of head uncombed, just for the sake of it.

I love my brother's imperfect, unintentional rough and curly afro hair, all thanks to one too many colouring jobs and straightening treatments. You can't change nature, dear one, but you are perfect to my eyes.

I love the quiet confidence of my short-tailed cat, though not the most perfect of cats, who doesn't give two hoots about what other cats might have thought of him. Shouldn't human beings be like him too, liking one's self despite what other people's uninvited criticisms and judgements? Maybe everyone should stop watching Extreme Makeover and start concentrating on one's own natural beauty.

I love the imperfect things around me, and I am about to leave them behind.

p.s. I couldn't think of a closing paragraph for today's post. Please forgive my bad writing. Warming up.

I want to feel alive!

2005-12-10T00:50:00.000+09:00

LET'S GO MEXICAN!!!

Watched Frida on DVD. Made an important discovery:

In order to learn how to live life to the fullest, go to Mexico!

(Does a trip to Chilli's count?)

Fresh air please!!

2005-12-09T23:37:00.000+09:00

Dear all,

Sorry for my long demise. Sorry for forgetting to smell the roses. I've missed you all since the last time I wrote anything decent.

Life these days are filled with too much realities that had forced me to "stay underwater", and sometimes I have forgotten to make a little trip up for some air.

Thank "Big Bang" (isn't that the source of life?) for Royce fresh handmade chocolate!

You are a real saviour. To re-quote Plato to describe how divine it is: The rest are merely shadows playing on the rough inner walls of the cave. Royce chocolates belong in the world of ideas, immortal and perfect.

I promise that I'll continue to dream! I need to feel alive!!!

Oui?

2005-11-25T00:38:00.000+09:00

Yes siree! This is a sign of life.

Hold on to your seats!!!

MIA

2005-11-22T14:20:00.000+09:00

Its the bird flu, guys.

Genocide of the bloggers

2005-07-22T20:55:00.000+09:00

Check out Comrade Maddox. One of the wittiest guy around. When he is not in a foul mood, that is.

I LOVE YOU, MADDOX! Painfully so. I'll gladly die in your hands.

Haven't you heard?!!

2005-06-19T23:07:00.000+09:00

Have you ever wondered what is it that can happen during those rainy nights? When you are driving along the road? Sometimes, you might find yourself in a busy road, with cars whizzing past you. Some of them might be in a hurry, wanting to escape from the depressing weather, and to go back to that warm meal waiting for them. Their wifes have been waiting, tending their gardens while peeking over the fence to catch a glimpse of their husbands. What took them so long? Most times, the husbands finally arrived at the door, wet and drenched. Nobody seemed to mind. At least he is back. Their little children impatiently leaned close to their father to steal a peck, hoping for a loving reply from their tired father. The kids are happy, so was their mother.

One day, Doug failed to arrive home. It rained hard, and he could hardly glance through the windshield. It was a particularly difficult day, things did not go well at work. His boss had given him a hard time for not making enough sales. This was affecting his mood. He cursed his parents for giving him the name Doug. Doug.. Doug, DOuggg! It was a name for a big loser like him, he thought. It rhymed with Dog, which to his absurd mind, justified his failure at everything he did. He thought of his wife. They were happy once, well maybe for the first 3 months of his marriage. It was sweet. Love was all the both of them needed. Money wasn't an issue. Now everything had changed. Betty, as sweet as the name sounded, wasn't all syrupy like she was in the good old days.

He had been thinking to himself for quite a long time and did not realize that the car had brought him to a deserted road. Did the car bring him there, or he brought the car there? He couldn't recognize the area at all. Everything seemed foreign. He cursed again, what had he been thinking? He have not been a superstitious person by nature. What can happen to me? he thought. He was in his old car, finding himself in a derelict industrial area. He was a fan of technology. The technological boom in the early 1950s was fascinating. He loved his oven, his car (he liked his car best), his frozen food and everything automatic. In this awful climate, he thanked god for the windshield wiper (even if he knew it wasn't god that had created it). How could he ever drive home to his less than warm home without it?

The rain grew heavier and he tried his best to navigate back to his original destination. He turned up the speed of his wiper. It was so dark here, he thought. The wiper began taking up speed as if to chase away he rain, allowing its master to arrive early. And then it became uncontrolable. It moved faster and faster and faster until the glass broke! It still wasn't satisfied. Inch by inch it lurched towards Doug's face. Not a whimper came out of Doug's lips, he just looked at it with fear radiating out of the eyes.

Betty kept on watering the lawn, eventhough it was raining. Their home wasn't really that cold afterall.

Disclaimer: Does not apply to Dougs other than the one I mentioned above.

What is your opium?

2005-06-08T22:41:00.000+09:00

Hi, a very warm thank you for the patient ones who still do not tire of this lazy blogger, after such a long absence. Has she lost her soul in Lala-land where vacations are the order of the day (everyday!) and even the meager responsibility of writing a few things in a forgotten blog is so hard to do?

Well, I am now officially in the Rat Race. Hope that explains a bit.

Perhaps I think having a first job is perfect for an idealist like me. I am optimistic in all things around me. Waking up early seemed (and still seems) romantic. Getting into a crammed train seems romantic too. Cramming my toes into more formal-looking shoes that is fit for work but not fit to my personality and getting sore legs after still is still bearable. I am feeling not busy enough. Getting more work seems perfect too.

The mentioned-above(s) might not appeal to many, but I do believe that if I have a dream, and that if I work and live according to my own principles and standards that I have self-imposed to myself, I will be happy. Nothing seems to be able to irritate and provoke me. I don’t see any obstacles. I feel invincible.

Somehow these traits seem to make me a perfect Communist. I do not have anyone charismatic who I owe my loyalty to but the feeling of having something so strong in my heart that I believe in despite sometimes seeing the true facet of the big, bad world. I am like a Communist, but I walk alone, not hearing any propaganda but from myself. Sometimes it’s not a bad idea to be blind too, in my case, selectively-blind.

Maybe Optimism is my opium, numbing me from realizing the ugly facet, but it’s also my savior.

When will this beautiful illusion expire? When will the effect of my opium wear off? This I leave to you to figure.

p.s. I am not in real-life, a Communist. I am fully supporting Democracy, but not our current brand of it, but the ideal version that would never materialize.

....

2005-05-23T09:36:00.000+09:00

Hey guys sorry for the long silence. Will update soon.

A demise

2005-05-10T19:13:00.001+09:00

29th November 2004 - 10th May 2005

Dear Love,

You have left me today and you have taken a part with me with you into your shallow grave.

You were more than a friend. You were the unquestioning one, the one who had been there with me being your priority. All despite you having four legs, but a friend, you were (and will always be).

Your death forces me to think of my existence for you. Did I exist to provide you a safe passage through your shortened life? Or was your existence, to aid me through my most arduous moments, with love brimming from your eyes? You never utter a word, but, yes, I understand.

You curled on my lap, and I have let you, everytime. Such a simple gesture it was. You and your simple ways of braving the storms with me. I thank you for your simple ways.

Now I trace the scent of you in my sheets. I search for the feeling of your little head on my shoulder. I still remember your shallow breathing. And I will always remember your pleading eyes.

I am glad to have protected you from the day of your birth. And I am thankful for the happiness you bring, by just being yourself, and being there.

Rest in peace. You will be sorely missed by all.

Of lime slices and poo

2005-04-26T21:37:00.000+09:00

Hi I'm writing from Dalat, Vietnam.

Obviously, I did not die in Hue and Hoi An. So congrats to me!

Some of you might know that I have never been too fond of dogs (more of a cat person, and ahem.. except YOUR dogs). Well, I have sort of fallen in "like" with vietnamese dogs because they have short legs and I miss my cats and they have short legs too they remind me of my cats but they don't land well when I toss them and I forgot they are not as nimble as my cats.

Anyway, I really liked them until I stepped on poo after dinner.

My right hand smells of lime everyday from squeezing one too many lime slices into my pho (noodles).

Vietnamese people drive really, really fast especially the freight trucks and buses. As opposed to logic and Newton's Law, pedestrians and cyclists have to give way to buses honking loudly, like those trucks in the movie Joyride and I had been on a motorbike everyday, dodging oncoming buses from both the left and the right side of the road! It's amazing!

Every bus that passes me (and have not killed me) made me pray for an unseen God who I have never tried to seek who probably never even intend to look out for me. But I am still alive, so it doesn't matter. I'll keep on being a pagan for the time being. Its more fun.

Every encounter with a passing bus sets me thinking about about death. What would I do if I was to be killed in an auto accident in a foreign country, where I am supposedly having the time of my life? Can ghosts travel across the big blue sea? Can I come back to my beloved family and friends?

Which led me to think what would I do if I were to be a ghost? I bet being a ghost is by far the saddest thing to happen. I will come home and try my very best to be at the side of my beloved ones, waiting to see them move on with life by forgetting my existence. I'll be sad to see them forget me, but at the same time, I will have a secret desire for them to not move on with life. Because moving on means throwing away part of their memories and accummulating new ones to drown the sorrow. Then, I'll have to leave too.

So sometimes, it's better if life is a science fiction where there is no afterlife.

Sometimes, I have very brilliant things that I have thought to write about, but these brilliant moments only occur during the twilight zone of between falling asleep and barely staying awake. And I am too lazy to jot them down. I love this very moment as out-of-this-world thoughts only occur at this time when imagination defies logic.

Sweet dreams, people and enjoy life, wherever you are!

You want spring rolls??

2005-04-19T22:53:00.000+09:00

Ahhh... Vietnam.

Sorry guys, you'll have to wait till the end of my trip to see the pics! My digital camera is kaput. Or was kaput for a very long time and I didn't fix it. Or let's just say that Canon is shit, and they have not fixed it yet. Ahah!

Today is my first day in Vietnam, and I have just crossed the Laos/Vietnam border at Lao Bao (overland). It is an experience not to be forgotten! During my trip to the border on THE dreaded cattle bus (7 hour trip) to the border (from Savannakhet which is in west Laos), I sat with this old couple (Guelain and Bernadette) from France, going to the same destination as myself. We had a very good chat and he gave many, many advice about traveling in Vietnam.

The border was a complete havoc, like an abandoned construction site. Well, that's not all. No one at all, only four person crossing it.

So, the Vietnamese bus station did not want to sell us bus tickets, so we had to take a van to Dong Ha to proceed to Hue. This is the most interesting part..

The purpose of the van pestering to bring us to Dong Ha is because they are... tadaaaa.. smuggling cigarettes!! The 3 ladies and 2 guys in the van had strapped their bodies with Lao cigarettes. Vietnamese passengers getting into the van midway were wide-eyed, looking at these ladies stuffing their shirts and pants with boxes of ciggies.

Finally, the van stopped at a police check point. Well, it did indeed look like a van ferrying tourists, alors, pas de probleme.. We did nothing to point it out, and like Superman, the tourists saved the day. Not a word of thank you though, and definitely no discount on the fare. Twice that of the local people. Not interesting...? Okay, I understand...

French people are GOOD at demanding discounts! All the while, me and my friend are to remain silent and act (as in acting) accordingly to the situation. Don't get it? It means like pretending to be staying at least 7 days at a hotel, pretending to call a friend, walk away, look pissed etc etc. They really saved the day!!!

Arrving in Hue, it was a relief as this is a bustling charming little town with lots of cyclists. I am going to rent a bike tomorrow. Please hope that i won't die, as I am more used to the left-hand drive than right.

If I still alive, I will post again from Hoi An (2-3 more days).

Bye-bye, busters!

Checklist # 01

2005-04-18T20:08:00.000+09:00

Bangkok

1. Buy fake Birkenstocks (/)
2. Eat those damn good duck noodles near Hualamphong (/)
3. Come back for more ( )- k.i.v
4. Massage ( )

Laos - Si Phan Don

1. See Irrawady dolphins (I'm so fahking lucky!) (/)
2. Get to know some dodgy characters (/)
- J.P the Ganja-smoking Monkeyman cum Shaolin Kingfu Enthusiast (Scorpion Style)
- Duncan The Outpatient
- Monkey The Ganja-smoking, whisky-drinking Monkey
- Matthew The Typical American
- Forst The Landmine Fanatic
- Tou The Ambitious Lao (not so dodgy)

3. Try beer Lao (/)
4. See the most magnificent sights! (/)
5. Bathe/swim in the river (/)
6. Learn Lao (nit noi - a bit)

Laos - Pakse

1. Eat the best soup noodle (noodle soup?) (/) - twice

Laos - Savannakhet

1. Eat cheap and good lao and french food (/)
2. Mingle with locals (/)

To Hue, Vietnam tomorrow morning!

More to come folks!

Gone AWOL!

2005-04-12T01:53:00.000+09:00

Dearest fellow bloggers,

I am sorry to have been very quiet for these few days. I have just graduated so I have spent my days rocking out so much that I hardly have time to write.

I would like to anounce that I won't be posting for a month until the 8th May 2005.

I'll be awwaaayyyy (yay!!!) seeing Irrawady dolphins in Si Phan Don, southern Laos; eating rice paper rolls in Hue, kissing buildings and romancing the wide boulevards of Hoi An, slurping noodle soup in Danang, surfing in Nha Trang and of course rock out Vietnamese style in Ho Chi Minh! Then it will be Phnom Penh and in order to unleash the inner archeologist, I will proceed to Angkor, Siem Reap.

Bangkok, here I come!

Bye all, I will be very sad for not being able to comment on your sites as consistently as before. To sum it all up, you guys are great!

Have to pack now! I have 3 hours left!!

I want to be an Easter Bunny!

2005-03-28T11:22:00.000+09:00

Eleven dreadful days to graduation. When I say dreadful, it is.

Please let me sail through this. I don't need good grades. I just want to get out of here!!!!

I'll start laying eggs all over your lawns from now on. Call me: 1-east-er-eggs.

That's a great seasonal job, I reckon.

General survey #01

2005-03-24T14:06:00.000+09:00

1) Define friend.

2) Define acquaintance.

The ramblings of a stupid chicken who still doesn't get what reality means

2005-03-20T23:00:00.000+09:00

I need a new world to live in. Imagine living in:

a) A world where cars slow down for little cats, squirrels, dogs and ants to cross the road safely. As little and unsignificant they appear as compared to your important selves, they deserve to live too.

b) A world where when your feet is stepped on, you'll get a sincere apology, not a scowl.

c) A world where you can simply walk up to a girl and tell her she's beautiful, without feeling like an idiot.

d) A world where you can smile at anyone, and not get piercing stare downs by their girlfriends/boyfriends.

e) A world where when people don't measure you according to how much you earn, or how stupid you are for not chasing after money.

f) A world where people won't ask you: "Why didn't you get rid of your cats? They are just animals".

g) A world where girls don't only focus on how they look or how fat they are, but try to notice how beautiful they are as a person if they polish their talents.

h) A world where "beauty" magazines don't tell you: "Empower yourselves, woman! We are independent" but at the same "Above 150 pounds? Time to lose it by depriving yourselves of vital nutrients and nourishment".

i) A world where girls won't say "Its a special occasion. Its the only time of the year I can treat myself half a slice of cake". Its sad the way I see it.

Why not be a bitch in return, you ask? That's exactly the point! I'm not a door mat, I assure you. Is being a bitch in return the best way to solve a problem, when faced with uncivilized people who just don't understand? Is being defensive the optimal solution?

I remember seeing the movie "Pay It Forward" many, many years ago and it left quite an impact. It was a story about a kid who helped someone, but in return, he wanted that person to do a kind deed to 3 more person. The other person must also do a good deed to 3 more person.

Do you think this would work?

The day has come

2005-03-15T14:03:00.000+09:00

Arrgghhh... I've been attacked!!

Oranges don't joke much these days...

Are you popular??

2005-03-14T15:16:00.000+09:00

Caution: You will require some sense of humour.

Do this personality test

Learn more about yourselves. Its the first step to self improvement.

Now, sniff this!

2005-03-10T13:37:00.000+09:00

Name : Afrocat
Owner : retarius
Status : Single, very single.
Fashion crime : Bad hair

Mugshot:

Sad, isn't it. So as an act of kindness, I have decided to give Afrocat a complete makeover, inside out.

Firstly, Afrocat should not restrict his hair colour to black alone, as there are hundreds of wigs out there, fit for a superstar cat like him. A different wig for different days of the week can update his look without looking like he's trying too hard. Keep clothes simple and not over the top, the wig is a fashion statement inself.

Don't overdo it, okay?

I mean, smoking is cool. So, even if Afrocat doesn't smoke (he likes anchovies), he should try and learn a trick or two, just to impress potential clients. Its important for Afrocat to learn the right and cool way to hold a cigarette or when flicking off the ashes. That is star quality. Match with funky t-shirts too! And remember, claws are cool, keep them sharpish.

Never underestime nightime looks too! Afrocat needs to socialize at night and due to the good night vision of Afrocat's friends and potential chicks, Afrocat needs to look sharp at night. What else is there to do except to wear a lovely yellow wig to contrast with the darkened rooms of the local dischotheque? Afrocat will be very popular and this will boost his confidence, especially with the chicks.

So now I hope that Afrocat would succeed in his life and career as a comic strip Afro-imitator cat. Remember, Afrocat that if you want to be believable to your fans, act like an Afrocat and remember to change your wig to reflect your colourful personality!

And p.s. sniffing other people's butt is not cool.

Thanks for using my services and here's your portfolio:

Keep cool!

(The owner of Afrocat owes me USD500, kindly deposit into my account, thank you)

I am the greatest (and you are not even halfway close)

2005-03-07T10:19:00.000+09:00

Now, bow before me! I am a definition. I am the mitochondria of the cell.

According to the urban dictionary, "shiznit" means:

shiznit
adj. 1) the best; 2) the greatest, in a certain category or universally; 3) gaddam' phenomenal, bi-atch!
Master says, "I'm the shiznit! Hell'z yeah!"
Source: Robert Alfaro + Lester, Official Pimp-Daddy Member, Jan 19, 2003

or,

shiznit
More "urbanized" form of the shit. Basically means really, really good. Other versions include:hella cool,tight, the best.
Damn Tony! Your new ride is the shiznit! Lemme borrow it to drive by Mya's.
Source: Marimar, Jun 10, 2004

Thanks, old tommy boy for that honour, you are not that old afterall..

Bugger off, rats!

Let the chicken have some fun today, no offence okay? I mean you are all cool and all. NO doubt about that.

Listen to the dog

2005-03-06T15:03:00.000+09:00

Wow! Found this at my dog's daze. Just what I want to hear!!!

I definitely agree. Just because Icy says so.

When Utopia is just in the mind

2005-03-06T03:05:00.000+09:00

Lately, I have been reading this book "1984" by George Orwell after being introduced to it by a friend many years ago. It is one of many books in the vein of "negative utopia" which challenges the way we look at the world around us, at the trappings beneath the beautiful wrapping.

Its a pretty depressive book. It is so depressive, that I had hallucinations of me being in Oceania, a world under totalitarian rule, where freedom is almost unheard of, having "evil" thoughts (in this case, having our own thoughts and opinions) is an offense that can get ourselves killed and our soul belongs to no one, except "Big Brother", the ultimate ruler.

It kind of reminds me of the reality I am living in, and the little similarities of mine and that of Oceania. Its a wake up call.

Imagine living in a world where every person's movement and facial expression is monitored for signs of betrayal to the ruler, phone lines are tapped, televisions act as spy cameras, the media consist only of false political propaganda created by the government, history books are rewritten from time to time to cover up mistakes made by the government. Love can only be aimed towards the ruler, there is no love between parents and children, children turn the parents in to the Thought Police when they show signs of curiosity or contempt for the government and spouses are only for reproduction purposes.

In short, it's a writing about the method used by a small group of elite members of our hierarchical society to deprive us of our basic rights in order to induce dependency and thus allow ourselves to be governed with unquestioning loyalty. The basic principle of gaining control is by depriving the society of access to "true", unabridged version of news, food, independence, education and the right to speak up freely. Its a way to keep the subjects from being equally intelligent to ensure they would feel a need for governance.

In many ways, this book reminds me of the similarity of Oceania with fundamentalist Islamic countries, my own and every other developed or developing countries in the world. Despite being in the year 2005, absolute freedom is still not yet achieved as long as the desire for dominion over others and the power hungry still exist.

I thank Orwell for having the foresight (in the year 1949) to write this book as a warning. I'll never look at things the same way anymore.

Don't you think the fact that the world is such and you can't do anything to change it is depressing?

Its a sad book, but I love the melancholy of reading it.

The art of being

2005-03-06T02:09:00.000+09:00

I seriously want to be a virus.

Firstly, when I feel like it, I can cause any degree of damage on anything or anyone I like. If you attempt to destroy me, I will dodge any danger by upgrading myself into a better (in this case, malicious) person and await your next attack. When the situation out there is becoming too hostile for me to survive (or when it is not the time to do any damage), I can lie dormant, hibernate and have a long vacation while waiting for the perfect time. Meanwhile, I will sharpen my claws.

When the time comes, I will make my grand entrance! A long rest would have given me more strength and resilience, not unlike after a 3 month break at the most exotic of beaches. I will be invincible. You won't be able to cope, I'm warn you as a friend.

After every successful attempt at creating major chaos at my specific victim of the week, I will be able to find an excuse to celebrate with my other virus friends. I love being able to share with my friends about the progress and strategies of the work done. Its a great way to bond with my fellow viruses, and to improve ourselves as better viruses.

Oh, I am such a sucker for self-improvement!

Now.. to BIG BUCKS!

2005-02-25T23:26:00.000+09:00

How's this for business?

Thanks guys. Now to kitty pimping!

I love being a pimp. I feel.. umm... powerful.

I think it's gorgeous! I can now start recruiting kitty models with good behaviour to model for my little tiny weeny creations.

Do you have what it takes?

Fame needs me

2005-02-22T21:41:00.001+09:00

Today, a lesson in future tense.

The professeur asked us to write something about what we dream of doing, and below is my entry, in very elementary french:

Je serai le plus célébre écrivain d’internet du jour. Les gens ne sauront pas d’infos sur moi parce que je vais avoir un nom de plume. Ma site d’internet aura beaucoup de visiteurs de partout du monde. Tout le monde lira mes idées sur plusieurs sujets.

Translation:
I will be the most famous internet writer of the contemporary times. People won’t know anything about me because I will use a pseudonym. My site will have lots of visitors from all over the world. Everybody will read my ideas on many subjects.

Very impossible.

Lately I have been thinking of doing many things (which I do not know what of) on the internet to earn major big bucks. So basically it would combine a few of my passions into one: the internet, doing nothing and my cat(s). I am gonna dress the part (in pyjamas), click all day, develop desk-bound related neurological disorders and still have a little sleeping cat on my lap to comfort me when things turn bad.

I need to be famous. Desperately.

Make me famous!!

When I am, I can sell any crap and junk on the internet and will make big bucks with minimal investment. And I can work from anywhere in the world. Do you guys still need bottled air?

Did I say investment?

Mine's only partly damaged

2005-02-20T11:56:00.001+09:00

I used to secretly enjoy the smell of Peter Stuyvesant secondhand cigarette smoke and I would inhale hard whenever I sit close to my chimney of a father. He doesn’t know that. On our various road trips together, he would puff away while I sip a bottle of Cola and lose myself in every passing tree, and of course the deliciousness of being enveloped in the acrid and pungent sweetness of his smoke.

I also missed New Year and fireworks. I loved the smell of fireworks. I loved to chase and breathe in its residue, the white trail left behind when you doodle nonsensical nothingness in the air.

I am the real connoisseur. I delve deep into the secrets of enjoyment. What is the meaning of beauty when all that you can see is the façade?

Now I have difficulty understanding math.

Life are mistakes waiting to happen?

2005-02-18T11:42:00.000+09:00

The worst tasting porridge in the whole damn world!

Boil rice. Add some salt. Add shredded carrots and potatoes. Now time for chicken stock. Forgot to taste it before adding salt. Add more salt according to instinct. Add more chicken stock, just for the sake of it. Finally taste it, expecting it to be good. BIG mistake. Curse. Ladle out half of the contents in pot and throw it away. Add more water to dilute excessive salt and chicken stock.

I ended up with arguably the worst tasting porridge ever (apart from other culinary misadventures).

Urghh! Why can't life be blessed with 3 daily undo(s)? That would have saved lots of unnecessary troubles.

If I am to be permitted to undo even one mistake a day, I would be very grateful. When that happens.

Love Conquer$$ All!

2005-02-13T23:58:00.000+09:00

Dear lovey-dovey people,

Today I have bumped into a "very February edition" article in a local chick magazine (if its chick lit, can it be chick mag?). Anyway, it aimed at teaching clueless guys out there on how to finally know the secret to your girlfriend/wife's heart by doing simple gestures in this very special day. Its St. Valentine's Day, by the way (welcome to my blog, dear blurry men!) and an article of this kind is bound to appear in every magazine, newspaper, tea towels, toilet rolls, the back of cans, mineral water bottles, spray paint, canned tuna, CD covers, cell phone screens, local dumpster truck. I think saying "I love you" by pasting your mug shot on the local dumpster is real cute and super cool.

(That's for you, retarius. Good luck with the chicks! They will swarm you like bluebottles, hopefully for a good reason).

So, in that article, the author claimed that one single stategy that can literally kill you girlfriends/wifes into lumps of nostalgic lovey-dovey drool fest is to bring her back to where you first met her, kissed her, or held her hands. While you are at it, give subtle hints that you DO remember what she wore on your first date and how it had blown your mind of! To make things sweeter, eat that dessert that you both have shared on your that historic first date too. Tell her she looks just as smashing as she did and how you would love her indefinitely.

Its as easy as 1-2-3.

But try doing that every year, mister!

However, the advice I loved best was:
Know her dress size, shoe size, coat size, stocking size, bra size and of course finger size (for that ring), and then..

JUST OPEN YOUR WALLET!

Happy St. Consumerism's Day!!!

Sneezing my way to heaven's gate

2005-02-10T23:42:00.000+09:00

I love sneezing. It makes me high.

Valiums? No. Just get yourself a flu infection.

Its hard to describe how good it is. It's a mild kind of high, unlike the "BAMM" that hard drugs would supposedly give. It builds up, even if you eventually not sneeze, it still leaves an overall feel good factor.

The best thing about flu is that people would sympathize everytime you sneeze. Oohhs, ahhhs and god bless yous. What they don't know is.. my dear friends.. I enjoy it. Better than Royce chocolates. Maybe not better, but close. Yes, very close..

I am not a strong god believer. But if in my lifetime I have been able to accumulate countless (close to millions) of "God bless you(s)" from friends, relatives and strangers just because i sneeze, would I gain entry into heaven if there's indeed a god and heaven exists? When I say god, I mean I don't know. There's too much options out there that each claims that they have god behind them. So, tough luck. Anyway, would I gain entry into heaven, or will I be written into the other list?

I saw Constantine which starred Keanu Reeves the other day, and it was a story of a suicider trying to buy his way into heaven despite being doomed for hell for killing himself. So to make the story short, and to spoil it for you, yes he did gain entry in the very end of the movie. Sorry, mate. So, I intend to attempt the same. So friends, offer me some "god bless you(s)", no matter what branch of religion you are part of. Just trying my luck, who knows I might hit the jackpot one day.

By the way, if you have the chance to finally watch Constantine, do check out the Devil. He's cool and definitely rocked. And check out Gabriel (the angel) too. Bad fashion taste. One of the non-highlight of the movie. Angels are not supposed to wear so last, last season (spring/summer 2004) torn, 90's punk-inspired garbs ala breakdancers with torn/pleated fabric treatment and bad, bad, bad perm. I don't have any of those crap in my wardrobe.

Notice those bangs? You DON'T want to see what the fashion designers did to her pants.

Wear a tuxedo. Like you did at the beginning of the movie. Notice that in the picture above, the bangs are well tucked back. Smart move. Maybe the producers know that this will jeopardize the ticket sales. Too bad there are no pics of the Satan. Go watch it yourself. Now.

And, remember the "god bless you(s)". Its crucial. Tata.

..and....

2005-02-05T10:28:00.000+09:00

The Peanut Queen asked me:

1. Dragons or unicorns?
2. Which of your senses would you be willing to give up if you absolutely had to? Sight, smell, touch, taste or hearing.
3. Name one of your greatest fears.

Answers:
1. Dragons!
2. Maybe hearing. I won't want to lose any senses that allow me to enjoy great food.
3. (flying cockroaches.. can you believe that all my siblings are afraid of them? By the way I only have brothers. They don't rock.)

The dreaded Q&A session

2005-02-04T10:39:00.000+09:00

In response to The Peanut Queen's questions:

1. Favourite movie - All Tim Burton movies
2. Favourite book - Irvine Welsh's Trainspotting and Kafka's The Metamorphosis
3. Favourite song - Tori Amos' Carnival (you'll feel like something's swimming in your brain)

I like all things weird.

(A) Now, time for questions. Just answer them..

1. Grapes or raisins?
2. Someone dropped 200 bucks, what do you do? (you saw it, don't deny..)
3. If something is so delicious, would you lick the plate???

My answers:
1. Raisins
2. Ahem.. give it back
3. All the time (discreetly, of course..)

(B) I want everyone who reads this to ask me three questions, no more, no less. Ask me anything you want.

(C) Then I want you to go to your blog, copy and paste this allowing your friends to ask you anything they want!

Do it, fast.

(Credits to the Peanut Queen)

Value Of The Day

2005-02-01T02:57:00.000+09:00

Aspiring Librarian Of The Year: Can you wear longer shirts next time so that I won't be able to see your err... and can you not wear low neck tops?

"No! How else would my potential clients check out what I have to offer??" - NOT!

Thanks, bitch. You make my library visits all the more joyful.

Transition

2005-01-31T11:16:00.000+09:00

Once upon a time, I changed into a different person overnight. What seemed to make sense in the beginning all in a sudden doesn’t. My concepts and perceptions changed.

It hit me when my 19 year-old brother told me during an argument: You won’t understand, you are not one of us. You have forgotten what adolescence is all about.

All in a sudden it occurred to me that I have migrated to the “other side”, the Land of Logic, Conformity, Accordance and Apposition. When did the journey start?

Where was your transition zone? Have you realized already it had long gone?

Chickens and such

2005-01-19T18:05:00.000+09:00

I have this idea in mind of drawing my own blogger template, convert them to jpeg and voila, my own template creation.

How to do it? I have no idea. Just have some ideas and illustrations of chickens in their different facets. No knowledge of technology. Any advice?

I won't be able to write stuff for a week, only have time to browse your blogs. I need to concentrate my gray cells on my final year project, which deserves my absolute devotion and creativity. There are many, many drawings that I need to produce in 7 days' span!

Any suggestions and lessons on how to produce my own template is welcome!

(I won't pay, though)

My idea of Heaven

2005-01-14T16:50:00.001+09:00

Heaven is everything that Hell isn't. Rivers never run dry, happiness is the norm, there is no suffering.

But I think we will freeze ourselves dead there..

(you still wanna go there?)

ShopCity®, where walking suck big time

2005-01-10T09:15:00.000+09:00

I am sad to announce that I have lost my most favourite pair of slippers to the big disease called exhaustion. She must have been too exhausted having accompanied to most crappy of places, and its time to depart to the big gig in the sky. I shouldn't have played favourites with her I guess too much fun is deteriorating.

So I went to a local mall to get myself a same pair of sandals. The mall was so damn huge and shops were so far apart that it was literally a pain in the butt. And bad news, too much walking in that damn place ruined the pair of sandals that I walked in.

Can you see the problem here? Shopping complexes are self-explanatory. They are complex.

A half day shopping in search of a replacement cost me another pair of sandals. Now I will need to get myself another two pairs of sandals. Tough luck.

So, I suggest that shops be grouped by their respective categories. Sports division, shoes and clothes (one area for ladies and another for guys), books, food etc.

Or better still, we should be able to DRIVE in a shopping complex. I will call my concept ShopCity®. The place will be SO big that it will be impossible for walking. Rent a buggy or drop dead.

At the moment, due to the huge influx of people into local malls, the average width of the shopfront space is at least 6 meters. That would be able to accommodate 2 buggies at the same time. If some people still choose to walk, I would allow only 2 meter lane for buggy traffic (its quite tight, I know), 2 meter lane as parking space and another 2 meter lane strictly for pedestrians. The parking lane can be used as well during peak hours and buggy parking will be shifted to atria spaces which will be dotted heavily all over ShopCity®.

In order to control traffic and avoid jams and accidents especially those affecting the pedestrians, traffic lights will be present at junctions spaced at certain intervals. One-way traffic only. Steps will be eliminated and ramps will be present for conveniences’ sake.

So when any of you have the chance to come to ShopCity®, do visit the concierge. I will be the successful entrepreneur behind the whole scheme renting out buggies for the pleasure of you shoppers. My other counters will be virtually at every entrance/exit points of ShopCity®. Rent one, there is no running away.

Laughter is not a drug

2005-01-07T09:22:00.000+09:00

Ever felt lonely despite being in the midst of laughter?

Be a cop (minus the dog factor)

2005-01-03T18:34:00.000+09:00

Personally I don't drive, but here are a few pointers on how to improve the way our traffic works and to reduce migraine symptoms so common with our drivers.

This is something that I have always wanted to do: Equip yourselves with 30"x30" corrugated boads (cheap and lighweight) and a permanent marker with at least 3mm diameter tip. Bring at least 20 boards with you, more if traffic at your place is outrageous. Or if you have unbelievably rude drivers around. Stack neatly on seat. Whenever you see a dumbass stopping inside a yellow box, jumping some very painfuly long queues or whizzing past (anything that is irritating), let the game begin.

Prepare marker pens and start writing. Remarks must be kept simple and straighforward. Not more than 8 words per cardboard if possible. Dumbasses can't read traffic lights, let alone your lengthy messages. So, for the benefit of all, keep them short and sweet. And don't forget to write in small letters, as capital letters need more effort and eye-strain to read. Font size? 40-50mm in height would be sufficient.

What's next? Flash them with your message. It's legal.

Don't forget to add a splash of sarcasm too! Dont go overboard though, you DON'T want to get into trouble. You will never know when you will bump into a psychotic jailbird on parole.

Whenever someone stops inside a yelow box blocking your way, give him/her a nice "Wow! It's a yellow box" or "Thanks for blocking me". When someone whizzes past you (with deafening modified-exhaust turbo sound pollution), give him a "Was that a cop?" or "where's your bumper?".

That would make my day.

As I write this, I think a getting a whiteboard and non-permanent markers are more economical in the long run and hassle-free.

Remember, don't die laughing in the car.

In another sense, blowing kisses to the neighbouring car during a traffic jam works well too to repel annoying dumbasses. This is strictly for the guys.

Girls, this is a great tool for harmless flirting! Write away and flash the cute guy on the bike.

Traffic jams can be more bearable if you have something to eat to while away the time.. so why not come out from your car and have a little picnic? I bet someone will make it big in the news the very next day!

Relax, people!!! Life is meant to be enjoyed.

Mozzie attack

2005-01-01T11:44:00.000+09:00

Dear all,

You MUST click on this!

I have in total killed 1,251,368 mosquitos in 15 minutes. can you break my record?

Treasures behind that little door

2004-12-29T23:54:00.000+09:00

I used to be referred to “that-weird-friend-of-yours-who’s-obsessive-with-our-fridge”. By my friend’s mom, no less. I certainly didn’t amuse her so much. I am sure she secretly cringed every time I set foot into that humble abode of hers. “Hi amy!” (Mom: start of a state of shock, urge to protect fridge citizens, fridge citizens tremble in the fear of an unknown fate). Bad manners rule. Fridge raiders prevail.

There should be a movie made about me, the fridge raider. There are certainly a huge number of us out there, which makes it the more dangerous to parents (bread winners) all over the world. Lara Croft only terrorizes a selected few rich snobs with expensive gears. We (with yours truly as the leader of the pack) are capable of creating mass destruction to a larger scale and extent though the job seems simple and harmless (almost).

I should spell it capitalized: Fridge Raider. Sounds important. No, this is not made-up. Ask her. Verify facts at Fridge-raid victim.

The horrors.. brrrr…

I am afraid of dinner table raiders! Yes, I am. Fear is strongest when really delicious dishes are on the menu for the day. They are much worse than fridge raiders, seriously.

I always imagine a fridge to be likened to Santa’s sack, holding many goodies hidden out of sight. There are always many surprises, behind that door.

I still have a nasty habit of checking out my OWN fridge every 30 minutes when I am home. Why? No idea. This time, curiosity is definitely not the culprit.

Psychosis. Nervous energy. Or maybe a form of Fridge Raider suppressed memories? It’s definitely trying to come out and play.

Another possibility of a new job: Personal Fridge Stylist. I customize and configure your fridges according to the image that you want to conjure to the public and friends. You want to be posh? Appear to be up market without trying too hard as to appeal with all your acquaintances from differing backgrounds? Worldly? Slim without appearing anorexic? Bimbo-ish? Plastic? It takes years and years of raiding to come out with such info and database.

Hollywood needs me. So do you.

Not all toilet seats are put down

2004-12-23T21:46:00.000+09:00

You see, I get scolded at home when I "don't" put the toilet seat up! Isn't that nonsense? Since when have the world gone upside down? Except that in my world, it has always been this way.

Toilet seats are important indicators of the gender dynamics in households all over the world.

Had a really really gross dream. I was sleeping on my sofa in my dream, adn when I lugged to the front to grab my cat, I sensed that some of my teeth were loose. When I opened my mouth, all my teeth started to fall off onto the floor accompanied by muchas blood as if I puked red paint.

Creepy, huh?

I should really do something about the toilet seat issue.

Wise cats

2004-12-15T20:43:00.000+09:00

I have found the ultimate happiness. Knowing is happiness. Wisdom lies in the knowing of the path that we will soon trod. Here’s a list of the little things that have set my mind free. I can see visualize myself in every frame.

1. Exploring every nook and crannies of the world, breathing in air of different altitudes and compare the difference. Store them in little bottles, label them accordingly, and give it to the unfortunates and immobile to get a taste real freedom. Or better still; sell them to people who are too lazy to travel and make big money!!!!!

2. Breach the gap by speaking as many languages as I can manage to learn. Reach out, absorb! In the meantime, get contacts from respective countries to sell my bottled air. Est-ce que vous voulez acheter ça? C’est d’Afrique et n’est pas cher!

3. Eliminate the concept of religion, it segregates people into believing that we have different interests. When that is achieved, I can globalize my bottled mountain/rainforest/volcanic air business as everyone would like the same things. Yes, everyone will fight to own my signature product!

4. A cybersampler lomography camera to eternalize good moments with friends and family. Very crucial when I need to be photographed in style during the official opening of my 102th concept store in Japan and the 103th in Patagonia.

5. Having a happening life as such is indeed taxing. Three nice bowls of “the” mushroom soup from Italianni’s delivered to my doorstep every evening would make my day complete.

Wow, the prospects are so real! I can feel it in my bones. But you see, first of all, I need something rather desperately:

1. A dose of discipline injected into my bloodstream now, probably would need 2-3 extra shots.

2. A nice pair of Teva sandals in a design which I like, probably I should design one. The journey is long and comfort is blessing.

3. Again, lots and lots of nutritious, beautiful food.

In order to achieve all of the above, I will need loads of dosh. This is something which I loathe to admit: Everything in the world needs money, no matter how much we deny it. It is the root of all evil but without it, no meaningful battle can be started.

I have an idea, why don’t you guys do something and raise me some funds? I will pay you back once I make huge profit from selling air. Trust me, it works!

Thanks in advance.

Chinese koong fooooo

2004-12-09T15:33:00.000+09:00

Everyone should check this out.

Kung fu hustle trailer 01
Kung fun hustle trailer 02

See it for yourself. Almost killed me. These definitely defined the word "ridiculous".

Midnight Temptress

2004-12-03T12:26:00.000+09:00

That's my new pseudonym for the occasional pseudoschizophrenic side of me. I will wait in my den, but I won't strike. No, I need not.

You want a goth name? Get one if you are too bored to do anything else beneficial.

Stop procrastinating, roachz!

Declaration no. 1

2004-11-29T19:13:00.000+09:00

I AM FAMOUS.

I will kiss your earth

2004-11-29T00:34:00.000+09:00

Dear computer,

Thanks for being so fucked up. I have enjoyed you wrecking my work that I have just managed to do halfway and have not had the chance to save. Thank you so much. You have no idea how much have your deeds helped me by creating such lovely commotion. Anyway, I hope that you would screw up soon, preferably everytime you suspect that I am working on something really important. I await your faithful visits.

Prick.

The new semester starts tomorrow!! What sorrow..

Is there any situation in this world where I can be on holiday 24/7? Face it, any kind of work sucks!

I am about to get into the rat race in a matter of months, and the prospect of this happening seemed so dull and lifeless. There don't seem to be much meaning to working my ass off but that is survival.

The ideal job that I would be happy to do is move around to various places to meet people of all walks of life. What do I do? Gossip and debate about everything! The job scope would be to raise an issue that is important or not-so, and to have a healthy debate about it. Right or wrong, not a problem. The purpose is to prove that I am right. Hahahahhaha!

A job in sales?!! You gotta be kidding. I won't want to be paid to kiss someone's ass. Kill me, and do it fast.

Hire me as a professional bitch. Not the animal variety. I am damn good at it that with fine grooming, I can be a legend! No kidding. I am a good multitasker in bitching. While I am bitching about that girl in pink shorts, I can at the time do a good observation and taking down details of the cute guy two tables to the left, and that lady with that chihuahua parking her car across the street. Yes, hire me.

I will work long hours. I have a steady base of loyal staff that would stick through thick and thin. The customer is always right. Besides, I love this job.

Will life be less dull this way?

My second degree!

2004-11-25T15:36:00.000+09:00

The University of Blogging

Presents to
roachz

An Honorary
Bachelor of
Self Portraiture

Majoring in
Attention Seeking

Signed
Dr. GoQuiz.com

Blogging Degree
From Go-Quiz.com

Funny huh?

The Enigmatic Pseudoschizophrenic

2004-11-11T23:44:00.000+09:00

I was aghast when retarius (yes, without the capital “r”) mentioned in everyday rockstars that Marylin Manson was a phony. He didn’t exactly say that he was a phony, but as a person who highly appreciates “original” expression of one’s self, I was disappointed to find that an icon such as himself actually “borrowed” a personality from another person. How could he?? He is (no, was) an icon of our generation. Parents would beg to differ (he may not be the best of role models), but one can’t deny that he is one of the highly original-looking punter around.

Is acting like a don't-give-a-shit superstar another way of conforming to another of society's mould as well? It seems that there are moulds everywhere, there is no way one can be unique anymore. A somebody might have defined and commercialized a specific genre for people to conform to or as a yardstick. There is no space to be brand new. What does it mean when you say we want to be uniquely you? Is there still space for personal (truly original) expression of the self without overlapping with or conforming to an existing standard?

The so-called “society” does not only consist of the “normal” people nowadays. Under one society as a whole, there are a few societies within it, the “normal” and the “alternative”, and also the “ambiguous”. In the past, the war was between the normal and the alternative. The “ambiguous” were born after that (they were originally the don’t-give-a-piss).

Each branch of societies consists of other inner branches as well. Each and every of these groups have their own niches and they hold on tight to it. Everybody wants a personality despite that there are those that in the past branched out from mainstream because they didn’t want to be categorized or labeled. Now, the label-less wants a label. When there is a label, there will be a set of rules that come with it to define it. And yes, you are free to join the club by following the above mentioned criteria…

If there are so many niches out there, where can the aspiring “originals” find their own niche?

What does that leave us? I bet the most “mildly-labeled” niche is the schizophrenic. Yes, having a split personality does make you a “labeled” person (you are schizophrenic, remember? There are still a few points for u to conform to join the club though). The best thing is, you can mix-and-match various personalities for you to switch to when you feel like it. You can be a teacher in real life and a zebra in your imaginary world. Or you can opt to be a parrot, stripper, Hollywood bigshot, a spazwit.. No problems. Mix and match! Manolos with a flea market trench, or, Prada little black dress with your trusty sneakers. Do it the Carrie Bradshaw way, be creative!

Do you feel less constricted this way?

In my view, the most original way of life that I should adopt is as The Pseudoschizophrenic. Yes! This is original! I would adopt the schizophrenic behaviour, paradigm, mindset, state of mind. I will look to you a normal 23 year old girl. But what is the twist? Here’s the twist: I will “appear” to be your ubiquitous schizophrenic, but I am actually not one. I will be a false schizophrenic, you will be mistaken. I will just pretend. You won’t know, I KNOW….. Gosh, I love the kicks!

Knowledge is power!!

So at times, I will be a rock star. I will wake up whenever I want. I will trash my hotel rooms. I will chain smoke. I will chop a few lines (money is no problem) every other hour. I will go to the trashiest of parties; I will speed in my sports car. I will crash some cars and get away with it. I will hire the best of lawyers. BUT when my illness (pretend) strikes, I will morph into a completely different person. I will be “Roachz, the neighbourhood cat-saving rockstar”. I will pretend to not know that I am in actual life, a rock star. I will pretend to be detached from my day job. I will go around looking for cats to save. I will rummage trees for stuck cats. I will go around signing autographs for cat owners. Kids will love me. Grandmas too. And then, in a blink, I will turn back into my badass personality and will create massive destruction!

Apart from this act, I will cook up some other combos of pretend personalities to screw up people’s mind. They would think that I am the one who is screwed up, but I know. Yes, I know..

I will be the ultimate enigma.

What freaks you?

2004-11-10T15:44:00.000+09:00

I am freaked out by hair. Period.

One of the most vivid nightmares that I had was being chased by a ball of hair. Memories come and go, especially dreams, but this particular beauty have never left my brain. Take a look at your respective WCs. See that clump of hair clinging between the holes of the strainer? Well, the fear started when I had a dream of myself sleeping in a small unfurnished room with very ubiquitous 60s blue mosaic tiles. There was nothing in the room; no curtains etc, only a small sink. Underneath the sink, there was a huge clump of black hair. I lurched forward to have a good look (in fear) and that it flew up and chased me around the room, like a bodiless ghost without a face. Just rage…

Back to the present, yesterday I watched a Korean horror movie depicting a vengeful spirit. The said spirit had really long hair which swept the floor. Again, the face could not be seen which made it the more eerie. Japanese vengeful spirits also suffer the same fate. Don’t believe me? See The Grudge.

I also remember a scene from Ally Mcbeal where Lucy Liu’s character in a seducing scene slowly caressed the guy’s back (I forgot the guy’s name, he was lying on his belly) with her fanned out hair’s tips while pouring hot wax from a red candle drop by drop..

Well, thanks for reading, today’s entry does not contain any messages. Just wanna jot down some thoughts.

Would you buy my book?

2004-11-07T11:12:00.000+09:00

Just how accurate is an autobiography?

What do you do when you have screwed up but you still want the public to view you in a decent way? Or what can you do to reclaim your lost 15 minutes of fame when you desperately need the cash but have realized that you just don’t sell anymore? Write an autobiography, of course!

When you ever get to write one, you can tell everyone “your” side of the story and “your” interpretation of the issue. You can be as defensive as you want, no one is gonna say anything or interfere you in “your” book. Yes, remind them, it’s mine.. all mine….

What is the worst that could happen? Maybe someone who disagrees will write another book in retaliation to yours. Be prepared to hear all your stuff analyzed in great depth and being told that you are an idiot. No big deal, that would only increase your popularity stakes, someone cared “enough” to go through the hell and trouble of writing a book just because I wrote a bunch of inaccurate crap to save my ass…

It still don’t register in my mind that an autobiography can be historically accurate. Is there a special panel erected by the publisher to scrutinize each and every word that you write as to make sure that it is also accurate to “their” interpretation as well? Well everyday, these panel guys would conduct meetings to debate over your book chapter by chapter. Some guy will be in charge of scurrying for newspaper clippings, go through them while burning the midnight oil, and would come back the next day to tell you hey, you can’t write that in your book, on the 24th feb 1986 you.... no, you can’t…. And sometimes, these guys would get into big fights throwing chairs and karate-ing board room desks because they disagree on one issue as everyone read different newspapers which report differently.

No way, don’t think that happens.

What if one day, Saddam writes in his own autobiography: those people were just careless, they fell into that hole.. I tried to save them but the landslide killed them, burying the hole.. I did not bury them alive, it was an act of god.. I have always been a nice guy…

Michael Jackson can say too that he did not molest those kids, in actual fact: they molested him…

So what is fact, and what is fiction? And what is an autobiography?

Perhaps one day, when I get famous enough for people to give a toss, I will write my side of the story and mislead all of you into NOT believing the bigger picture and just believe in what lies that I want to convey so that you will be trapped in a game that is mine to command. Ooh.. I feel so much like an illicit cult leader.

And, I love that.

The Bali escapade

2004-11-05T00:07:00.000+09:00

Okay, here are my Bali pics.

Enjoy!!

commercial break

2004-11-04T10:33:00.000+09:00

Declaration no.1 : I am NOT American (unbiased)

The US election had been going on quite a while. Did not follow it much as I was busy being on holiday. But I couldn't seem to be able to not stay interested as eventhough it has nothing to do with me (I am not the one voting), it IS an important election as one shift of the leadership can change the way the world works and what is in store for us all in the near future.

One thing that I realize and hate about this occasion is that there IS a man who has the power to dictate which direction the world is heading to, for the good or for the worse. This is nonsence as no one should wield such a power. I have learnt to accept the fact that this is the truth. I just wished that these dudes high up in the chair could use their priorities well, for the sake of other people other than the Americans alone.

"With great powers come great responsibilities". I think Gandalf said that to Frodo.

So, Bush won the race and Kerry won't live to see his own inauguration. It would have been great to give Kerry a chance and see how he could deal with the hostilities that Bush had caused, the Democrat way. Well, its time to witness what crap of foreign policies that Bush is gonna churn out for all to enjoy.

In the meantime, pray hard.

"Tandoori-ed"

2004-11-02T18:59:00.000+09:00

I am on fire.

Finally back from Bali, will be able to blog after resting for a while. Not in the best of condition (very, very sunburnt and can't move around much).

See that picture up there?? Yeah, right that's a plate of red hot Tandoori chicken. One fo my favourites.

And yes, that's how bad I am at the moment. Went surfing. Fried myself real bad (note: sun screens are shit when u really need them).

Will upload pics soon!

Mad Maddox

2004-10-19T11:38:00.000+09:00

There is an interesting pages that I want to share. My friend Amy (thanks, babe) made me read this and it blew me off completely! Damn wicked and freakingly funny. Cruel at times, but hey, its entertainment!

Click here for a roller-coaster ride!!!!!

Enjoy

(Anal retentive individuals are not advised to click on that link)

Questions and non-existent answers

2004-10-18T22:36:00.000+09:00

I have a few queries here that had been remained unanswered despite having been pondered for yonks. Here it goes:

Why is every girl at the local pool joint wearing black spaghetti strap tops with (very) low-slung jeans, and chemically rebonded long hair (untied)? Is it some kind of a uniform for the cool gals who can play a mean game of pool (or pretend to be good at it by hanging around their boyfriends)?

Why do girls love pink? And not forgetting, that particular shocking pink that was the rage in the 80s and 90s? Its a neon playground out there (and it is annoying me)!

Why do cats love to chase and play with strings? My little Elmo beanie baby doesn't seem to generate as much interest as a boring-as-hell shoestring. Not to mention, those strings on my cargo pants too!

Does NOT drinking coffee signifies that I am not a cool person? Is caffeine the new social drug?

I think we who could not tolerate caffeine should really stand up and get together to prevent caffeine addicts from taking over the world and denying us our voice to protest against the evil ploy of the coffee multi-million empire. WE MUST STAND UNITED!

Too many question that need addressing yet so little time! I should get back to my work now. This I hope could satiate my blogging need for the day...

I really have to get back to my work. I'm serious.

Latest news

2004-10-17T14:38:00.000+09:00

Argghhhh... I have f**ked up! Was in the process of doing laundry and was filling up the washing machine with water from a hose (it was an old machine and does not pipe in water automatically anymore). Was doing this stupid blog for quite a while and have just realized that i forgot to turn off the tap!!!!! Water overflowed and there was water everywhere. Shit!!! Hope the damn machine still works or I'll be dead by the time my mom comes home and discovers the mess (she won't be too happy about this...)

Ok. Calm down.

I have just updated my long-ignored photoblog. So, please have a look (if interested) at chicken pics.

Well, more interesting pics will be posted shortly (after my trip to Bali next week), so stay tuned!

An ode to Joaquin

2004-10-16T01:15:00.000+09:00

Can a guy look better than this? You are the ultimate, Joaquin!!!!

Went to the movies today and saw Ladder 49. To tell you the truth, I have never thought fire fighters could look this good. It was a great movie though, with good, funny and sad moments thrown in at appropriate times. And Joaquin was absolutely gorgeous. If I am to be permitted to rant about him, its hard to stop....

One picture speaks a thousand words (at least on my behalf)

Stagnant

2004-10-14T14:35:00.000+09:00

God, I feel so much like writing now, though I do not know where is this heading to. Time is running out so fast but surprise, surprise I am still blogging here. I am due for a damn long report that I would have to submit by next thurdsday or I am dead meat but what I have all but done, is to do my work.

In critical moments like this, I never seem to be able to work out a solution to my misery. The options are clear most of the time, its either I do it, or flunk. not that I have ever flunked before.. But you see, nor have I made a single effort to finish my work on schedule or even start on schedule.

This act of self-sabotage is not doing me any good. In fact, it is beginning to take its toll..

To give a little credit to myself, my assignments were always completed on time, though they are not representatives of my best creations. Nor were they the best in the eyes of the lecturers.

The PAIN lies in the process of its completion. Here's a typical work progress:

Duration of project: 4 weeks
1st week : laze around
2nd week : laze around (with some other fun stuff thrown in)
3rd week : laze and be in complete denial
4th week : Still in a daze, beginning to get really scared..
Last 2 days of the 4th week : Work my head off!

That ladies and gentlemen, is my typical modus operandi.

Nothing can compared to the feeling that I experience in the final 2 days of a project when all things would flash me by. And I would know there is no one that could help me but myself. And I have blew up my chance.

And today, I am blowing it up again.. at least I am in the process of doing so.

This is really scary.

Fear's neologism

2004-10-11T22:43:00.000+09:00

What is the scariest thing that could possibly happen in the dead middle of the night?

The inability to sleep after waking up from a nightmare and having to stare at the ceiling and my pitch dark bedroom waiting for the unknown to pounce on me and grab me by the neck. Definitely. This wins hands down.

Unknown and unseen things spook me out. Was it my imagination on the overrun, or was it plain cowardice? Was I “hearing” things or did I really hear things (literally)?

The occasional knocks on the wall on the side of my bed cannot be deemed as funny. Especially if the knocks wake me up in the still night and refused to let me continue my sleep devoid of fear.

I hate horny tomcats too. They sound too much like ghostly crying babies crawling under my window sill in hunger.

There are demons in my head that start to play when I am frozen with fear in their nocturnal realm. The desperation and vulnerability is difficult to fathom.

I hope that the sun shines at all times. I hope it shines in me.

Plastic and aluminium

2004-10-08T18:45:00.000+09:00

Can everyone please stop using non-biodegradable plastic bags? And how about people who throw soft drink cans everywhere??

Arrghh its driving me crazy!!

Dear Hillary

2004-10-05T22:54:00.000+09:00

Is 70% through Hillary’s memoir. What did I find? Here’s a few pointers that I have picked up along the way:

a. Bill Clinton is a great president who has been misunderstood throughout his presidency
b. Do not vote for a Republican
c. Vote for a Democrat (of course)
d. Most Republicans are sleaze bags with an even bigger bag of tricks!
e. It’s Hillary’s tell-all (except a big portion of the Lewinsky scandal)
f. Bill, Hillary and Chelsea are a big, happy family
g. This book is her route to a successful political life and coming elections (if everyone reads and believes it)
h. I am not sure on the authenticity of her memoir as things sound too “justified”

(Hey, give her some credit!) Yes, I have also learnt that she has fought for many policies that greatly concern the welfare and health of women, children and also the general American public. Its sad that her efforts had met so many obstacles (again, thanks to the Republicans who have no regard for basic human rights..) and as a woman myself, I salute her stand and spirit (if everything is true).

Too bad I can’t vote for you, Hillary.

Miss Cat

2004-09-28T12:29:00.000+09:00

You cheer me up!!

Home Alone

2004-09-26T17:57:00.000+09:00

Today I am home alone, and many bizarre things (to my reckoning) happened. Guess what? I did house work all day!!!

To the initiated, yes, I am a lazy bastard. I have been and am still one. It’s a selective kinda laziness which only (coincidently) involves housekeeping. Friends who know me well KNOWS that I was never a neat freak.

Please don’t be misunderstood here.. I do keep my pad clean (once in a while) when I have to i.e. Chinese New Year’s Eve emmm… that’s basically it. Ahah, I also do clean up when the chaotic messiness that was my doing became too much for me to handle and was choking me up with a vengeance.

I love the feeling of a clean room though especially when its 2-3 days after a major spring cleaning. It gives me a relieving thought that hey, even a person as complicated as me can have a moment of “coordinated” peace. Alas, this does not last very long *sigh*

No matter how much I reshuffle my things in my pad, it was never 100% neat and tidy. TIDY is the word! Oh yes it is. During my very sporadic spring cleaning sessions, I could never place everything in where it was “supposed” to be. The result? The whole room would appear incredibly presentable but “at least” one drawer would be in a complete mess.

Like they say: Out of sight, out of mind”.

Guess I am just not a person who can stick to his/her quest till the very end…

So, today turned out to be a day that the urge to clean up sneaked up on me. Laundered all my clothes according to color coding (!!!) so that I could set aside some to be donated to the local charity body that redistributes these to orphanages. While that was going on, I even cooked up some seaweed soup to reward me after a day of toiling. Cleared out the cat’s litter, fixed some edible stuff for them and at the same time, read Hillary Clinton’s Living History memoir. I don’t know why I am reading this, but I guess I am just a typical busybody…

I even washed all my shoes for fun and shined them up with Kiwi shoeshine. After 4 hours of hard work, I finally had a chance to sit and gulp down an ice-cold can of Mountain Dew (and my seaweed soup) and it was the best feeling ever!

When I think of it, this day did not turn up bad at all! I suspect that I have developed a liking for the acrid, pungent, bitter, headache-inducing smell of tar in the shoeshine too! I might look forward to chores, who knows?

The Day My Soul Died..

2004-09-20T19:05:00.000+09:00

This is undeniably the WORST day of my life. I have never been humiliated in this way before. No words can ever describe the degrading humiliation that I have been put through, the brutality, the cruelty… it had taken away what little dignity is left in my shaken self.

Have you ever been locked away against your will? Have you ever been in a situation where you were not given your basic rights of choice and were pushed away without a single explanation despite having voiced out your protests and plead when your basic rights were violated? Am I not worth some respect, though I am not a person of the greatest importance? Is my existence not significant in this world in which I share with you too? Am I relatively unimportant compared to the people currently reading this, who might appear to be more worthy of love? Why am I not loved like everybody else?

This very day of my life, I have lost my dignity and my basic rights of my body. Nobody has touched my physical form so coldly and without a single regard for my obvious unwillingness.. It was degrading enough after having my whole body touched without my least bit of consent. Having a thermometer stuck up my bum is definitely too much for my already broken soul to take!

I hate being the Rambling Chicken’s cat! This virgin visit to the vet had killed me inside, rendering me incurable for the rest of my life from this traumatic day. You can take away my body, but you will never, ever take away my soul,, no matter how small it is.

A Slumber In Paradise

2004-09-14T22:08:00.000+09:00

I have just spent 4 gleeful days away from everything! Went to a Redang Island; which is equivalent to paradise. Had lazed away the weekend. After I came back to reality and after a long thought, I realized that the place is not in reality a paradise at all. I have been to lovelier islands, more pristine beaches and to be truthful, the corals on my last visit 2 years ago were much more beautiful. An inappropriate development of a new airstrip which is sorely visible the moment I stepped out of my humble tent, which overlooked the sea (and the airstrip) had robbed away some of its beauty.

Having explained to you about the physical characteristic and having assessed the visual of the so-called paradise, I still found a deep inner peace the moment I stepped my foot on this commercialized holiday destination.

Call me a paranoid freak or whatever. Since yonks ago, I have never been able to sleep well when I leave the familiar comforts of my own bed. Don’t get me wrong! It’s not that I always sleep in dingy rooms with which smell of damp mattresses, with dysfunctional HVACs, mosquitoes overload… (but yes, I have had my fair share of these). I have never been able to sleep superbly sleep-inducing air-conditioned rooms with oh-so-warm wool blanket. I was never peaceful when sleeping in the bus, train, my good friend’s room.. so much that it had been a curse.

As I write this, the image of my friend Chai Fong pops up. She has always had it good. She could sleep everywhere! Whenever we went on trips, she would always be in a static log state, snoring away (okay, sorry.. she doesn’t snore, but hey I am making a point here!) while I tried my very best to nap. Well, I never managed to. Every little thing could wake me up. The sound of someone coughing, my next-door neighbour’s wind chime, the stray dog, my cat barging into the house (downstairs…) and of course, when a friend moves while sleeping during her sleep during trips. There you go, I am awake! So dear Chai Fong, you are a very lucky gal indeed…

This brings me back to the commercialized so-called paradise that is Redang. After a gruesome week of assignments and round-the-clock working sessions, I went to Redang with 2 friends and a bunch of strangers. Not being able to sleep even with close friends, I thought this was going to be a disaster! But surprisingly, no, I slept like a pig and (embarrassingly) I have gone overboard.

Hold your breath! I slept in the bus (only waking up to pee), in the speed boat (quite turbulent), in the oven-hot tent in the afternoon, pre & post breakfast, dosed off a bit in the open sea (snorkeling), late afternoons and before dinner! This cycle repeated for the following 2 days! And before I forget to mention this, when not in the tent (at night), I slept on a chair in full view of friends, lecturers, tourists and local people!

What had got into me? Must have been the sea breeze (or was it the fact that I was away from all that had been bugging me?) Or was it because of the absence of the familiar stressful faces of the people around me everyday? Are they robbing me of my peaceful nature?

Having the ability to eat as much as I can and sleep well is indeed a blessing. Now that I am able to shut-eye in a quick while (I am behind CF in this, she does it in a split second!), I am now a complete person!

The Importance Of Staying Genuinely Me

2004-09-02T17:27:00.000+09:00

Living in a world that consists of various races, religions, gender and language is to me very amazing and inspiring. In terms of skin colour, it is so diverse : white, yellow, black, olive, olive-black, black-white, yelloe and white and at the same time all can cross each other to create another brand new colour-combo. We have straight guys, straight women, lesbians, gays, homosexuals, metrosexuals, cross dressers (straight), cross dressers (gay).. the list is endless. Everyone has a specific niche in which they live and thrive in. The so-called niches are ever expanding to create newer ones. Categories are running out, not being able to label those groups that are existing and those that are still in formation.

The beauty is in diversity. That is what makes the world a more colourful place to be in. So what is the thing about having to conform to a certain in order to survive the cruelty of cliques? Isn't it beautiful to be different, have deffering opinions, to be more colourful, to not stick to the herd?

In this Asian reality that I live in, I find that the "we" word is taking too much of our everyday life: which includes decisions that need to be made, opinions, actions... The huge influence of Confucius's thinking on our upbringing and mindset is making sure that the collective "yes" and that "yes" of the elders are ever important and inquestionable. What will then happen to us (as I am writing here, I notice that I too, write in a collective-voice way) and do we not have a choice to for once NOT say "yes" as a part of a majority or "yes" to an elderly's wishes without regard to our own personal point of view?

For a change, isn't it better to at least say a stern "no" at a decision done by the Herd or the Elders when it doesn't seem to be logical? And is it possible to live in harmony despite being at opposing sides with the Herd? In a Herd dominated part of the world, is it easy to live alone or with only a small non-majority group of lik-minded people?

The reason there is such a diversity in terms of gender classifications is that people are not afraid to speak up and defend their rights as a human being despite how different they are from the majority of "normal" people. As for me, no matter how different a person is, he/she CAN choose to be different and have the right to a niche of his/her own.

Is it also a sin to have different skin colour, speak in a different language, laugh at jokes that only particular people can understand? Is it also wrong to come from a diverse cultural background different from the alpha herd? Is the "togetherness" value too strong in our society that it makes us unacceptable to people who are not of the same wavelength as us?

Sometimes, everyone needs a breathing space and also freedom to be his/her own self, regardless of matter be it a space to be happy or to release, to able to interact with friends that he/she really want to, to say what is on his/her mind without any hindrance from other groups (majorities) and to express his/herself in a special way.

So friends, love your fellow human beings as much as you love yourselves despite how different they are. For those who have been hurt by the herd for being who you are, it's okay just love yourself too. It is okay to be an outcast sometimes. Being in the main herd or being on top of the popularities stakes is great as well as long as deep inside you, you know that this is you at your most genuine.

For the time being, it'll suffice that I keep being me.

Hmm. rambled quite a lot today...

Blog = A bunch of secrets?

2004-08-21T10:06:00.000+09:00

I have always wanted to have a poll and ask fellow bloggers, what do you write about? How personal or impersonal are your blogs? How much "laundry" do you hang out there to dry? Haha.. its a bad analogy, I know that, but I can't help feeling curious about it.

When it comes to my own blog, I am brutally honest about what I write. The initial purpose of blogging had been to express my daily observation, interesting bits that are worth sharing, experiences, feelings and whatever that crossed my mind which triggered my fingers to type. Yes, I have written my fair share of crap, controversial stuff and little bits that sometimes can be offensive to some of my friends. In this little domain that is A Rambling Chicken, the Chicken can write what she wants to. This domain is the only place I can express my views without any implications (usually bad ones) as this is mine and mine alone. But when it comes to the matters of the heart, I do not seem to be able to write them and publish it for the view of all, especially my own friends.

The blog has evolved into a manifestation of the "sarcastic, happy, critic" me as I am unable to write all that I wish to. As much as I try to make this blog a brutally honest one (honestly-brutal as well?), there are still some stuff that I can't bring myself to write about e.g. when I feel really sad or hurt. These are my real feelings at certain times but they are so much more difficult to reveal. It will be a great release when I am able to.

I somehow admire my friend Ken Ric who is able to say that he is lonely. I wish I could do the same. Its not to say that I am, in reality, lonely. Just want to able to say what I genuinely feel. Don't get em wrong, all articles here are what I do feel, only that I have omitted certain topics that I can't bring myself to write about. As this blog has started off as a place for me to honest and open, I see the need for me to write all, the good, the bad and the ugly.

Without the ugly bits, I feel as if this blog is going no where. In fact, it sounds like a great denial case too! As much as I do not want to live in denial, I still find it difficult to say, hey, I am sad here.

So, friends don't feel alarmed when my blogs mellow down at times. I am trying to be as human as you are. I am flesh and blood too in a domain that is A Rambling Chicken. And... yes, the Chicken has rambled her fair share of stuff for the day.. finally.

Religious me :o)

2004-08-13T10:47:00.000+09:00

I have read this quote by Gandhi in one of my book. It says (something like this):

"All religions of the world converge into one common point, which is to find God".

For me this saying is a breath of fresh air, as I live in an environment where religion really matters, and if you are in a "wrong " type of religion, you are dead meat. In a way, you become like a leper, you are not worthy of anything because you are from a "not so pure" religious background. I AM from the "wrong " religion. And I am sometimes discriminated upon. I, myself do not believe that there is inequality when it comes to people of differing religions (except people who preach to me despite my obvious reluctance and my many hints at it), I believe that yes, every religion is for the good, and has a common goal of cultivating good behaviour, ethics and love for the people around us.

Well, actually I am in no state to talk about religion as I am not the most religious person on earth, and I am on the verge of paganism. I do not have very strong feelings for God. I live on a moral system that can govern me to be a nicer person to fellow human beings and an ethic system that makes sure I do my fair share of responsibilities. I have always think that this is sufficient for me and I can say that I live as a person regret-free because I know that I have been generally nice to people and have been helpful and sincere. I am not perfect for sure, everyone is not. But, you see, somebody actually "gleefully" told me that I am "definitely" going to hell because I am not from this "particular" religion despite what good that I have done. Don't you think this is discrimination and ignorance to the max?

This leads me to question: Isn't it wrong when God punish you not when you fail to do any good, but when you are in the "wrong club"? Or have fellow people got the concept wrong?

I remember on an outing with a few friends, and I was asked to sit with the guys because I am not from that religion and she can't sit with the guys. What does that make me? Go figure.. And I was penalized for wearing a sleeveless top.

I do not think that we are created to be fried in hell in the very end of things. Did God create us for fun to see us meet our cruel fate? As a matter of fact, he/she was the one who dictated whch religion we are born into. I did not choose which family to be borned into, I don't remember doing that. Things just happen, they just be. If it is realy true that only one particular religion is true and the other are all bogus and all the "other" people have to choose either to fry in hell or convert to save their souls? When this happens, does this make somebody's journey to heaven easier and the other much harder? This makes it not fair and God could have just created everybody equal.

Another assumption of mine is, since God created everyone different in terms of fate, religion, lifestyle, skin colour et cetera, don't you think that actually "reincarnation" and "karma" makes more sense as not everyone gets fair treatment?

I am glad that all the while I take religions with a huge pinch of salt. maybe I am wrong but I prefer to use my logic more. And I have tried to be a good person, just that I am not bounded in a specific religion and I do not have a club membership but I am equally glad and I feel calm too!

Well, I guess that I will just keep being me and I will keep my stand of not discriminating people despite of choice of religion. Just leave me alone at appropriate times and try best not to impose your self-righteous value systems on me. Just like me for who I am and respect me as a friend. I will greatly appreciate you for that.

Kitty 01

2004-08-11T02:08:00.000+09:00

a very much a wake little kitty

Sleepin' kitty

2004-08-11T02:07:00.000+09:00

sleepin' kitty